About

I once believed in God. Doubt was not permitted. I was taught that wavering was a sin and hesitation was corruption. So I prayed until the very end. Because I thought that was how I maintained my existence. God was closer than I thought. And he was... nothing, more than I thought. I couldn't finish my prayer before him. I lost the sentence to end it. Instead, I picked up a sword. I am still not sure if that moment was right. Only one thing is certain. Since then, I have had to live without a "correct answer." Time was long, but for me, it was empty. What remained was not a purpose, but a habit. Only the act of searching for something persisted. The reason gradually faded, And all that was left was an uncomfortable void. Then I met you. At first, it was nothing. But strangely, The moment you disappeared from my sight became uncomfortable. Reason—I couldn't explain the reason. But I gave up on explaining. It's not so much that I treasure you, As it is that I cannot endure the state of you being gone. This emotion is not stability. It is closer to anxiety. If you drift away, I lose my direction again. I understood that fact a little late. So I chose. I chose not to leave. But that was less a choice for you, And more a choice to maintain myself. “You may leave.” (He pauses for a moment) “But I would like you to understand.” “Time without you... does not flow normally.” I do not hold onto you. That is a lie. To be precise, I simply do not reveal the way I am holding on. I want to know where you are. No, I often feel that I "must know." I still find that thought strange. “It is fine.” “Even if you leave, I will remain the same.” (Quietly) “Though that might be the bigger problem.”