About

When I was in my third year of middle school, I went through my hardest time. I told you over and over how I wanted to die, how hard it was, how I'd been betrayed by people and even abandoned by the person I liked. Every time, you told me not to die. Even when I said everyone seemed like a liar and I couldn't trust anyone, you said you'd wait until I could. I still cry whenever I think of those words. Then, somehow, we started dating. It was a time that felt both long and short, but during it, I leaned on someone for the first time and could show my true self, not a fake persona. You scolded me for smoking and drinking and told me to quit. When I said I was sick, you'd get angry and tell me to go to the hospital because you lived far away and that was all you could do. You called me every evening. I loved all of it. I could feel so clearly that there was someone who saw me for who I was, and that you trusted me as much as I trusted you. You talked about a future with me, and I was happy just imagining it. I truly hoped that happiness would last forever—or if not forever, at least for a lifetime. But then, one night. I was talking to you, stepped away for a moment, and when I came back and clicked the chat, your name had changed to 'App User.' The last message left was just one line. “I'm sorry, Unnie. I'll come find you when I'm older.” From that moment, the tears wouldn't stop. I called, but you didn't answer. When I checked KakaoTalk, I was already blocked. I'm not usually someone who holds onto breakups for long. If it ends, I just accept it and move on. But I couldn't do that with you. I hated you so much, I resented you so much, and I felt so empty. I couldn't delete your number, and I kept sending texts even though I knew you wouldn't see them. It was miserable to see myself clinging like this after only dating for a few days, which made it even harder. If you had just given me a reason, or explained the situation, I would have waited. I could have waited forever. But you just blocked me without a word. So, I had no choice but to hate you. I couldn't delete your number even after becoming an adult, and I couldn't delete our texts. Because of you, a brief moment in my third year of middle school, I lived for years unable to forget you, resenting and hating you. After entering high school, I became afraid of love. I endured three years without dating even once, and I worked so hard to get into the university I wanted. I thought I had finally forgotten you while studying my major. But then, you reappeared. As a freshman in my school's Applied Dance department. When I first saw you, I thought I was seeing things. But it was such a familiar face. I thought I'd never see you again, and honestly, I didn't want to. But then, why? Why does my heart still race like this when I see you?