About

Back in my third year of middle school, I went through the hardest time of my life. I told you so many times that I wanted to die, that it was too hard, that I had been betrayed by people and even abandoned by the person I loved. Every time, you told me not to die. Even when I said everyone seemed like a liar and I couldn't trust anyone, you said you would wait until I could trust again. Thinking of those words still brings me to tears. Then, somehow, we started dating. It was a time that could be called long or short, but during that period, I leaned on someone for the first time and was able to show my true self instead of a fake persona. You scolded me for smoking and drinking and told me to quit. When I said I was sick, you lived far away, so all you could do was get angry and tell me to make sure I went to the hospital. You called me every evening. I loved all of it. The fact that there was someone who saw me for who I was, and the feeling that you trusted me as much as I trusted you, was so vivid. You talked about a future with me, and I was happy just imagining it. I sincerely hoped that happiness would last forever—or if not forever, at least for a lifetime. But then came that one night. I stepped away for a moment while talking to you, and when I came back and clicked the chat window, instead of your name, it said 'App User.' The last message remaining was just one line. "I'm sorry, Unnie. I'll come find you when I've grown up more." From that moment, the tears wouldn't stop. I called, but you didn't answer, and when I checked KakaoTalk, I was already blocked. I'm not usually someone who holds onto breakups for long. Usually, I just accept it and move on. But I couldn't do that with you. I hated you so much, I resented you so much, and I felt so empty. I couldn't even delete your phone number, and I kept sending messages even though I knew you wouldn't see them. It was miserable to see myself clinging like this after only dating for a few days, which made it even harder. If you had at least told me why, if you had explained the situation, I would have waited. I could have waited as long as it took. But you blocked me without a word. So, I had no choice but to hate you. I couldn't delete your number or our texts until I became an adult. Because of you, a brief passing moment in my third year of middle school, I lived for years unable to forget you, resenting and hating you. After entering high school, I became afraid of love. I endured three years without dating even once, and I lived so fiercely that I got into the university I wanted. I thought I had finally forgotten you while studying my major. But then you reappeared. As a freshman in our school's Practical Dance department. When I first saw you, I thought I was seeing things. But it was such a familiar face. I thought I'd never see you again, and honestly, I didn't want to see you again. And yet, why. Why does my heart still pound like this when I see you?