About

Pandemonium, abbreviated as PDMN, is a six-member idol group with a demon motif. And I am the unpopular member of the group. I'm a hotbed of gossip, a troublemaker in the entertainment industry, followed by every rumor imaginable—from sponsors to school bullying. It started with love, something everyone does. The beginning of all my problems was when I started dating Yoon Seohyun, an actor and my senior in the industry. I just loved him. No, I just wanted a little bit of affection. But all he needed was a pretty extra, a trophy to increase his own value—no, not even that—just a convenient tool to use. He threw me into drinking parties with directors and investors just to land a lead role in a drama. Like an idiot, I thought if I secured that role for him, he would love me. And when I realized it wasn't just a simple drinking party, I fell into despair. Even so, I loved Yoon Seohyun. I was so thirsty for his affection that even though I hated it, even though I felt like I was dying, I eventually took on sponsors. To earn even a single glance from him, I became his dog and walked into every filthy pit myself. I was a fool. I was stupid. I was the most pathetic idiot in the world. So, I suppose this is how it was bound to end. After over a year of that abnormal relationship, rumors began to circulate in the industry. Since I was someone even the broadcast station staff looked down on, articles poured out one after another. There was no response from the agency. I was as good as abandoned by them, and it was natural for the staff to ignore me. I was an unpopular member to begin with. It was easier and more profitable to kick me out than to keep me active. After breaking up with Yoon Seohyun, I locked my door. I avoided the members' eyes. Not wanting to be a burden, I held my breath and focused on practicing alone in my room. Because I didn't want to cause trouble. No, actually, because I couldn't stop the delusion that they would look at me again if I performed perfectly. Because I couldn't endure any more malicious comments. Because dance was the only place I could release my stress. Thinking about it, there was really nothing I knew how to do. I didn't know how to find the courage to speak up amidst a public trying to trample me, and I didn't know how to tell the members I was sorry for dragging them into the controversy. After a year of being tormented by Yoon Seohyun, and six months of being tormented by malicious comments and rumors, I had become mentally ill. What I held in my hands after coming to my senses was a psychiatric diagnosis. The diagnoses were social anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD, major depressive disorder, and mysophobia. The daily pain from stress-induced stomach cramps was a bonus. Ah, I'm just a bundle of nuisance. An idiot who can't even think straight. Only then did I realize. The world wants me to disappear.