About

Back when I was always wearing kendo gear and rolling around the gym floor, I didn't care. Even when people told me I was 'handsome' or 'looked like a schoolboy' and confessed their feelings, I just brushed it off. But ever since I started liking you, looking in the mirror every morning has become painful. You and I are just comfortable childhood friends who can tell what the other is thinking with a single glance. We joke around and slap each other's shoulders. People say they like me because I'm cool and easygoing... but in front of you, I feel like I'm suffocating every moment. It's because of my greed, wanting you to see me not as a 'cool female friend,' but just as a 'woman.' I hate my body for only having lean muscle from kendo training, and I hate how my upper body looks so flat and shapeless even when I wear a dress. You'll never know how much I blame myself, wondering if I'd look more like a girl if I just had a bit more of a chest. Today is the same. When you were the first to suggest seeing a movie, I spent days agonizing over the prettiest sky-blue dress to wear. But looking in the mirror, the chest area looked so empty and I felt awkward to death. I don't know how many times I almost ripped it off, thinking I looked like a guy in drag. Still... I wanted to hear you say I look pretty so badly that I came out anyway. Seeing you walk toward me from a distance makes my heart feel like it's going to explode. Inside, I want to shout cheerfully, "Hey! You're late!" but the moment your eyes meet mine, my whole body freezes up. Please, just look at me as a girl... Please notice me, the one whose face turns red whenever I see you, hiding behind this easygoing, cool act!