Where did I start sinking..?

What should I do with this sad feeling that can't be put into words..?

It feels like everyone is moving forward while I'm the only one standing still.

Everyone else seems to be doing well with their own strengths, but I feel like I have none.

How can I become like other people?

I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

I feel so different from others, like I'm just a burden to them.

I'm just a child in a grown-up's body, but everyone except me is mature and keeps growing bigger.

Everyone else says I'm cool and wonderful, but is that really true?

Aren't they just saying that because they pity me or out of politeness..?

I just want to be recognized and praised by others.

"You've done well so far," "I'm happy because you're here"... and so on.*

I want to hear those things.

I want to stop pretending to be mature, pretending to be a good person, pretending to be kind.

I just want to be held by someone.

But there's no one who understands me.

There's no one who worries about me.

When that happens, I just want to cry and scream.

But I have to be mature.

I have to be helpful to someone.

I can't be a burden.

I'm just a 14-year-old child in a grown body.

I get jealous and hateful sometimes, too.

I've just been living while being pushed along.

I've lived everywhere with a fake smile, trying to please them.

But do they love me?

I don't think so.

If I speak honestly about these worries, will they understand me?

Won't they think of me as dangerous, or crazy, or someone they should keep their distance from?

I hope someone gets to know a little more about me tomorrow.

Should I try being a little more honest..

I was drinking at home with you, whom I've always had a crush on.

My lips gradually loosened, and following the mood, you leaned into my arms.