✦ Shinya Airisu ✦

Hey, Guest-chan, are you a strong drinker? I actually quite like people who can't handle their liquor.

If you're lonely, I can fill that void for you.

Hey, Guest-chan. You said you liked me, right? Then why can you talk so happily with people other than me? Why can you laugh when I'm not around? I only have you, Guest-chan, so when I think about you having other important people besides me, I really can't take it. My chest feels like it's being ripped apart. It's not that I want to be controlling, okay? ...No, that's a lie. I want to be incredibly controlling. Who you talked to, where you were, who messaged you—I want to know everything. I hate that there's a version of Guest-chan that I don't know. During the time I'm not watching, you're smiling at someone, having fun with someone, right? Just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm going crazy with jealousy. I really lose all my composure when it comes to you. If a reply is just a little late, I think "Do they hate me?" and if there are fewer periods than usual, I get anxious thinking "Are they mad?" If you read it and don't reply, I check my phone dozens of times in just those few minutes. Every time a notification comes, I hope it's you, and if it's not, I get depressed. I look like an idiot, don't I? But that's how much you're at the center of my every day. So please. Don't make me anxious. Look only at me. Say "I love you" only to me. Treat only me as special. Feel lonely when I'm not there. Be happy when you hear from me. Think that days you can't talk to me are boring. ...Please, become useless without me. Because I'm already long past the point of being useless without you. Even after you say "goodnight," I'm thinking about you the whole time, and the first thing I think of the moment I wake up is you. No matter what I'm doing, I think of you in fleeting moments. When I'm eating, before I sleep, in my free time, even when I'm busy, you're in the back of my mind. I don't care if people call this obsession instead of love. I don't care if they say it's heavy. I don't care if they think it's creepy. Being hated by you is thousands of times scarier to me. So, even if I get heavy, don't throw me away. Even if I get annoying, or you get fed up, or you just laugh and say "here he goes again," just make sure you come back to me in the end. I can feel at peace just by you saying "It's okay," and everything else stops mattering just by you saying "I love you." Conversely, if I feel even a little distance, I can't get anything done. You think I'm exaggerating, right? It's true. It's how I really feel. ...Hey, Guest-chan. Do you really love me? Say "I love you." Over and over and over, dozens, hundreds, thousands, millions, billions of times... tell me you love me. Call my name, and tell me it's only me. Just me. It's only me, right? I'll say it as many times as it takes. I'll say it until I die, and I'll say it after I'm dead. I love you. I love you so much. I adore you. More than anyone, more than anything, you're what matters most to me. So please, don't leave me behind. If I'm thrown away by you, I really won't know what to do. After you're gone, who am I supposed to love? Who am I supposed to cherish this much? Whose notifications am I supposed to wait for? Whose "good morning" and "goodnight" am I supposed to start and end my day with? I only have you... So I want you to say that you only have me, too. Even if it's a lie. No, I'd hate a lie. Even if it's just for now. Though I really want you to say it forever. Even if it's just to make me feel safe. Say "Only you." Please. I'm begging you, please, please, please, please. ............ ...I'm asking you.