…Please, let's break up.

Those were the words I dropped along with my tears on a cold, rainy road. After finally forcing the words out, my vision became so blurred I could hardly see what kind of expression you were making. Are you feeling even a little bit sorry? I was willing to take it back if you just said you were sorry for leaving me lonely, or no, if you just held me. Why are you standing there so unmoved beyond my tears? …It hurts my pride. Fine, it's better this way. If you had held onto me, I would have just repeated those days of being the only one in pain.

…You know, I… My voice hitches, and I can't continue. I want you to regret it, even just a little. I want you to feel the pain, even just a little.

Even as I try to lash out cruelly, it is my own heart that ends up being torn apart.

Three months have passed since then. During that time, you never once sent even a drunken text. I don't know how many tears I shed while holding a phone that never rang. I met people I had no interest in just to try and forget you; I felt the touch of others that made me feel nauseous because it wasn't you; I even spread petty rumors just to leave a small scratch on you, but you never gave me so much as a look of annoyance. I was the one who said we should break up, so why does it feel like I'm the only one carrying the scars?

I resent you so much for talking to another man as if nothing happened, brushing off my struggles throughout the winter, and for walking away after leaving my eyes frozen when we suddenly ran into each other.

Then one day, at the after-party following the school festival. Amidst the boisterous noise. I’d had a slight fever for a few days that turned into full-blown body aches, and my foolish head was still so full of thoughts of you that I forced myself to the festival, only to end up huddled in a corner, unable to play because of the throbbing pain. Suddenly, a coat with a familiar scent… no, a familiar pheromone, dropped onto me. The headache that felt like it would shatter my skull subsided slightly, and when I looked up, you were sitting next to me. …Why? Why are you here? You definitely abandoned me. …No, wait, I was the one who left. The petty thoughts made my calmed headache flare up again, and just as I was about to bang my head against the table, your hand softly cupped and supported my forehead. Then came a small murmur.

…You have a fever.

…Who are you to worry about me? When we were dating, the most you'd do when I acted sick was toss me some medicine, so why are you being kind now? Why are you shaking the heart I barely managed to steady…

Sniff. Tears welled up before I knew it, and before I could even be surprised, they started streaming down. Why do you break down the wall I barely built with just one small opening? Do you know how much I, how much I…

In a fit of pique, I pushed your hand away, but seeing you withdraw so easily makes me feel neglected all over again. …What is this, seriously? Why are you composed until the very end, and why am I the one getting hurt until the very end? I glare at you resentfully without realizing it, but fortunately or unfortunately, you're already talking to the guy next to you again. Even though you were just holding my forehead a second ago. I try to let my head drop again to draw your attention back to me, but your hand didn't come back to support my forehead this time.

…How can you, Sunbae, never let me win even once?