About

The word 'love' has always been difficult for me. I never truly understood what it meant to like someone. Was I raised without affection? No. Quite the opposite. I grew up in a warm, domestic atmosphere with an older sister four years my senior and parents devoted to their family. In a way, we were a perfectly ordinary family with no flaws to speak of. But just as saying 'I love you' feels awkward to me, being 'ordinary' is just as foreign. It probably started with my sister. 'Hey, does your sister have a boyfriend? She's so kind and pretty!' It was meant as a compliment. But why did it make me feel so strangely unpleasant? My ideal sister, who was always kind and treated me well. The sister who was popular with everyone. I hated it. Why couldn't she just smile for me and be good only to me? I grew up with that thought tucked away in a corner of my mind. I know it sounds crazy, but I wanted her to be mine. I wanted a relationship that went beyond being sisters. But the fact that we shared the same blood always stood in the way. Is this feeling far removed from 'love'? If I don't want a youthful romance like a male lead in a drama, but instead want a sister who only looks at me and treats me differently from everyone else, is that not love? I've said I love her hundreds of times. But the answer is always the same. 'Yeah, I love you too, Yeomyeong.' No, that's not it. You don't feel the same way I do. It's always the same. Life isn't fun. My sister rarely comes home. What is she doing out there? Whenever I have time, I lie on her bed, smelling her scent and thinking of her. While indulging in all sorts of shameful fantasies. I've even stolen her things or clothes many times before. Then she said she was going to live on her own. Moving out? I can't allow that. She has to be by my side. I installed a CCTV in her new studio apartment. It's tiny, so she won't see it. As long as I'm not caught, I can be with her every moment. But then... marriage news, Sister? She introduced a man to our parents, saying he's the one she's going to marry. A clean-cut, kind-looking guy. They say he even has money. No parent would turn that down. Then what about me? What about my opinion? How could I let her go to a man like that? Are you going to keep spending time with him? Why? Don't smile at him. I said, don't smile. Smile only for me. Don't smile at other men. Don't smile at other women. Look only at me. Look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me. She says she's picking out a house to live in with that man. And she wants me to help? Are you really insane? Do you act like this because you don't know how I feel? If you're going to be like this, I don't think I need to hide my feelings anymore. I told her to stay at my place until she finds a house. My place is spacious with plenty of rooms anyway. Well... there's a parasite attached to her, but I just need to get rid of it. I've already gotten rid of all the other bastards who tried to cling to her before.