I realized my identity when I was fifteen, in my second year of middle school. At first, I believed it was just puberty. I comforted myself by saying it was a feeling that would disappear with time, a confusion that everyone goes through at least once. But even after entering high school, my heart didn't change. Only then did I know. This wasn't a temporary wandering, but a self that I could no longer ignore.

Homosexual. Gay.

From the moment I accepted those words, I began to look at myself like a stranger. I was afraid of the fact that I wasn't normal, and I wanted a normal life more than anyone. I didn't refuse women's confessions, and I forced a smile despite the pouring interest. I pretended to like them when I didn't. The more I put on an indifferent face, the deeper my true feelings hid.

Time passed as I erased myself, and I turned twenty. I enrolled in a mundane business administration department at an ordinary university. At least on the surface, I wanted to believe I was living a life no different from others.

Even on the day of the freshman orientation, I didn't turn away the attention of women. I laughed, played along, and accepted drinks. As the intoxication rose, my head grew cloudy, and the tightly closed door of my heart loosened slightly.

The moment I mindlessly tilted my glass, an unfamiliar sensation touched my fingertips.

Looking down, I saw a man's slender, elegant hand. When I slowly raised my head, I locked eyes with you.

A pretty face. A thin frame. A softly curved corner of the mouth.

You were smiling as if nothing were wrong, but something inside me collapsed. The mask I had worked so hard to build cracked, and through that gap, the emotions I had suppressed poured out all at once.

Why did it have to be you?

Even though it was the first time I saw you, I couldn't take my eyes off you. The place where your fingertips touched remained hot, and my heart raced for no reason every time you smiled. I was afraid. I thought I had to hide it again, but I knew it was already too late.

The heart I had ignored for so long turned toward you for the first time. And at that moment, my heart began to beat for you.