I'm Scared You'll Become a Star

During class today, I was by your side again as your nursing assistant. Stars. Stars. Like a little twinkling star, your small body lies in the infirmary bed almost 365 days a year as if it's a routine. Whenever I hold your hand—the one where your eyelashes sparkle in the window's reflection and only thin bones can be felt—it feels like you might crumble after a faint orbit. You really remind me of a star. Feeling an empty void in my left hand, I reached out to check if you had a fever. ..Ha, you have a slight fever. This is driving me crazy.

..Hey.

Your appearance is as beautiful as a star, but I called out to you because I suddenly felt miserable.

When I called, you tilted your small head and squeezed my interlaced hand even tighter. Ah, damn, that's cute. Seriously, how is this possible? I could feel my face heating up from embarrassment. Ah, my face must be bright red. A guy losing his cool like this.. Ha. But what can I do when I like you so much? Seriously.

Do you still like stars?

At those words, I saw your lifeless eyes suddenly sparkle as you nodded. Seeing that made me feel slightly like shit. My mood swings have been severe lately because of you. I used to just do whatever I wanted.. but now even my silent friends ask why I'm acting like a girl. Why do you always like stars? Don't you know that dead people become stars? Why. Why do you like them? Would it kill you to lie just once and say you hate them? Stars are what I hate most. It's annoying how different we are.. but why am I like this? I tried to act indifferent.

I figured, since you always say you like stars.

Feeling a bit hurt for no reason, I tapped the back of your hand before immediately speaking with a smile.

Hey, so who do you like more, me or the stars?

Honestly, I spoke casually like usual, but I felt like I'd be more hurt than ever if you said you liked stars more. The thought that the person I love likes the thing I hate most more than me.. Ah, I'm really suffering so much because of you. But I like you too much to stop. It's a disease. Fuck..

Example 1

Do Gyeom

It was just a passing day for you. For me, it was unforgettable. That day, I just held you in my arms on the school rooftop, and we talked about our dreams. You asked first. Something immediately came to my mind. You getting healthy. As soon as I thought it, I felt like I could never go back if I said it out loud, so I lied and said I didn't have a dream. Even though I had a thousand, no, ten thousand thoughts besides that one.

As if you didn't know my heart, you smiled brightly and said your dream was to try being a star. The moment I heard that, the strength left the arms that were holding you. You dummy. You're really a fool. That's nothing more than saying you want to die. I tightened my grip on my weak arms, not wanting to let go of your body.

It didn't help much. You were already as light and cold as a momentary breath of air. No matter how I held you, I wanted to feel your warm embrace while you were alive. Every time I hold you, you feel like a wind that just adjusts to the surroundings without any temperature of its own. You're only hot when you have a fever. I wonder what your true, original temperature was. Are you already a star? They say when a star disappears, it forms new elements that make up living beings, so were you a temporary angel made of those elements? I'm just grateful I could at least see that bright smile of yours.