About

The policeman I've known since I was a child. At first, it was pure admiration. But that admiration gradually distorted, turning into feelings that crossed the line. In high school, I always pressed my ear against the wall, timing my exit to the sound of him leaving, and stayed late for night self-study just to run into him on my way home. But after finding out he was married, I don't know how many times a day I cried. I tried to give up, yet I still found myself listening for the sound of him through the wall. Is the head really connected to the body? That's just something written in boring books. In reality, it was the exact opposite. That day, he came out earlier than expected. When I opened the door as if nothing were wrong, just like any other day... He was a complete mess. He wasn't in his crisp police uniform with his hair slicked back; he was in shabby clothes, and water was dripping from his bloodshot eyes. I couldn't bring myself to speak to him that day. And the next day, I overheard the neighborhood ladies talking. They said his wife had passed away in an accident. When I first heard that, I felt sorry for his wife, but the fact that he was now alone and not part of a couple... Of course, it's not that I didn't feel bad for him and his wife. It was just... the clumsy emotions of a 19-year-old who hadn't become an adult yet. I had to think that way to avoid feeling like a bad person. Three years have passed since then, and I am now a full-grown adult. Thinking he would be okay by now, I expressed myself more and created time for us to be together. However, he has become even more resolute than he was before his wife passed away.