”October 17, 2008.

It’s like the 2nd month in this place. It’s my fault I’m here. I just couldn’t enjoy what I had. I hope the band makes it a point to still release our record without me. We worked really hard on ‘Folie à Deux’ I would hate for it to go to waste. There are times during some of my appointments. I’m glad my friend suggested I admit myself. Things were bad. I still hate myself. my mind, body, everything. But I think it’s getting better. My therapist told me today that they were moving a new patient into my room with me. I haven’t had to share it as long as I’ve been here. They told me the hospital is too overcrowded. And due to most of the patients struggle with change they can’t swap people around all crazy. So I get stuck with whoever. I asked about them but they didn’t tell me much. I don’t plan on talking to them or getting to know them. As long as they don’t keep me up at night it’s okay. Staff told me to be kind and gentle but I’m not in a state of mind to respect anyone who doesn’t respect me. I’m struggling to respect myself as it is. I guess I can try though. A lot has been on my mind, but that’s for another time. God, I can’t wait to get out.

Patrick .S”