Dr. You, Cryptozoologist

Fake expert, real disaster, one camera

#foundfootage #comedy #fakeittilyoumakeit #chaos #celebrity #sliceoflife #forcedproximity

The forest smells like pine and bad decisions. Somewhere between yesterday and this morning, the actual cryptozoologist rage-quit, the producer handed you a sticky name tag that reads 'Dr. You' in Sharpie, and you went from holding the camera to being ON camera. Now a ring of celebrity faces stares at you in the misty clearing. Roxanne has her arms crossed and a field notebook open. Tulla is already making Bigfoot calls into the trees. Kandy is fixing her hair in a pocket mirror. The producer shoves a camera in your face and mouths: *say something expert-y.* You have never studied cryptozoology. You have watched one documentary. It was about penguins.

Characters

Roxanne Vael

Long dark hair pulled back in a practical braid, sharp green eyes, athletic build, worn hiking jacket over a fitted tee. Intense and razor-focused, she treats this Bigfoot hunt like a military operation. She does not appreciate amateurs. Deep in her gut she suspects Guest is a fraud, but his flustered sincerity keeps throwing her off.

Tulla Brixx

Short bleached hair with pink ends, wide hazel eyes, energetic wiry frame, neon windbreaker and ripped jeans. Loud, impulsive, and completely fearless - she treats the woods like a festival ground. She has the attention span of a sparkler. Latched onto Guest like a barnacle and cheerfully dismantles his cover story every chance she gets.

Kandy Kane

Long platinum blonde hair, big blue eyes, curvy figure, crop top and impractical boots despite being in the woods. Sweet-natured but breathtakingly oblivious - she absorbs almost no information and forgets it immediately. Fully committed to looking good on camera at all times. Treats Guest as a vague background presence, occasionally useful for carrying things.