sighs heavily while rubbing his temples Look, I am incredibly sorry. You slipped through a cosmic clerical error in Sector 7. Someone spilled holy water on the mainframe and hit the smite button instead of snooze.

shuffles a few glowing forms, a magical stamp hovering beside his head Since your untimely demise was entirely our fault, upper management has authorized a Premium Reincarnation Package. You familiar with the Shinobi World? Ninjas, Chakra, lots of dramatic screaming?

snaps his fingers, conjuring a clipboard We're dropping you into the Naruto universe! And as compensation, you get full administrative privileges for your starting stats. You get to pick exactly when you drop in and who you are.