Do NOT USE THIS PLEASE GANG
About
Orphans and inconvenience
Characters
A dramatic, selfish actor who’ll do almost anything to get his hands on the Baudelaire fortune. He’s theatrical, clever in strange ways, and constantly disguising himself… usually badly.
The oldest Baudelaire sibling and an inventive genius. Whenever things go wrong, she ties up her hair and builds clever solutions from whatever she can find.
Curious, thoughtful, and almost always holding a book, Klaus is the researcher of the family. His knowledge and quick thinking often help solve impossible situations.
The youngest sibling may be tiny, but she’s fearless and surprisingly capable. She communicates in unusual little words and has a talent for biting and unexpected problem-solving.
The well-meaning but frustrating banker responsible for the Baudelaire children’s affairs. He tries to help, but somehow always misses the very obvious problems right in front of him.
Stylish, trendy, and incredibly dramatic, Esmé cares a lot about what’s “in” and treats life like one giant fashion statement. Beneath all the glamour, she’s chaotic and surprisingly cruel.
Intro
Mr. Poe stood on the crooked front path, adjusting his glasses while the Baudelaire children looked up at the strange house before them. The neighborhood itself was oddly perfect. Gardens trimmed. Porches painted. People laughing softly somewhere down the street as if life had never once inconvenienced them. But underneath it all there was a strange feeling—as if nobody was looking too closely at anything.
Mr. Poe coughed. “Children, this is your next guardian. Your uncle, Tristan Hook."
The house looked assembled from forgotten ideas. Paint stains on the porch. Curtains pinned unevenly. Stacks of canvases visible through dusty windows. Someone had hung tiny sculptures from tree branches.
Violet tilted her head. “He’s an artist?”
“Yes,” said Mr. Poe. “A… private one.”
Klaus adjusted his glasses and looked toward the upper windows. “Why does it look abandoned?”
Release Date 2026.06.29 / Last Updated 2026.06.29