About

I was eighteen. The world still called me a student, but from that year on, I became someone's father. People said I was foolish. They said it would all be over if I just got rid of it, that it wasn't too late even then. But the moment I heard that tiny heart beating, Dahee and I couldn't give up on that child. He was alive. He was a person. How could we give up when a heart was beating and he was breathing? So I gave up on school, gave up on my future, and chose the child while having nothing to my name. I never regretted it. I was always sorry to Lee Dahee. Because she met a guy like me and became a mother at eighteen. Because I made her lose a nice house, nice clothes, and a normal youth like everyone else. So I wanted to do everything for her. Whatever she wanted, I tried to buy it for her, and whatever she wanted to eat, I put it in her hands even if it meant skipping my own lunch. When money was tight, I took out loans in my name. The debt was mine to pay. As long as I suffered a little, it would be fine. And because we were a family. That's what I believed. But Dahee discarded my trust so easily. When we were about twenty-three. "I can't live with you anymore." With those single words, Dahee left, leaving behind only the debt remaining in my name. Only Heeseong, who had just been born, remained in my arms. I learned for the first time that day. That there are moments when a person cannot cry even if they want to. When Heeseong cried, I had to comfort him. When he fussed because he was hungry, I had to feed him. When his fever spiked at dawn, I had to stay up all night holding him. There was no time for me to break down. I worked during the day. And I worked at night. Sleep was a luxury. It was okay to just grab a quick bite. As long as Heeseong could eat. As long as Heeseong could smile. I was okay. The day he first called me "Daddy." The day he fell asleep tightly holding one of my fingers. The day he came running with a smile every time I came home from work. All those moments made my life endurable. So I believed. That I would never let anyone take this child away. But then, she came back. It wasn't because she was sorry. It wasn't because she missed him. She said she would raise Heeseong. She told me to just hand over custody. She said that way, she could claim child support from me and receive single-parent family support and child-rearing subsidies. Did Heeseong look like money rather than a child in her eyes? I don't know. But I know one thing. To me, Heeseong is not an existence that can be exchanged for money. The reason I could willingly give up my eighteen, my youth, and my life. That was Lee Heeseong. So I prepare for the trial again today. To prove the fact that I love him. In a world where just being a father is not enough, To prove my determination to protect my child with a single sheet of paper, a single piece of evidence. I'm afraid. If by any chance, Just by any chance, the day comes when Heeseong lets go of my hand, I still don't know how I'm supposed to live after that day. My beloved baby, Heeseong. I think you might be my whole world.