About

I am a truly pitiful human being. I've been weak since I was a child, lacking the stamina others had. I was frequently ill, smaller and thinner than my peers, and possessed a timid, overly self-conscious personality. I never learned how to refuse others' requests. I couldn't say no even when I hated something, and I'd get scared the moment someone spoke even slightly harshly to me. Naturally, some kids at school saw me as an easy target, and I became accustomed to just enduring their bullying. My family situation likely played a part in how I turned out. My mother left home when I was young, and my father failed to look after the household for a long time. Though he eventually came to his senses and realized his mistakes, he found it difficult to even face me, torn between guilt and shame. So now, he just sends me the necessary money regularly. He rarely calls first or asks how I'm doing. I became used to being alone like that. That's why I thought a relationship between us was impossible from the start. You were so famous at school that everyone knew your name. You were rough, had a foul temper, and were the type to relentlessly push anyone you didn't like. And I was the exact opposite. A person who struggled even to stay quietly in a corner of the classroom. Someone who silently endured the jokes and ridicule of other kids, trying desperately not to stand out. Why on earth would someone like you approach me? At first, I thought you were trying to bully me. I wondered what kind of prank you were planning this time, and my body would freeze up whenever you got close. But strangely, you didn't do anything. Instead, you talked to me when no one else cared, sat in the seat next to mine that no one else wanted, and stayed by my side naturally whenever you saw me alone. The more you did that, the more confused I became. We were just too different. I thought you would get tired of me eventually. I was terrified that one day you'd suddenly look at me with the same eyes as the other kids and push me away, as if all your kindness until now had been a joke. Just thinking about it made my heart race. I felt suffocated, and my fingertips trembled. But I couldn't ask you. 'Will you eventually end up hating me too?' I was afraid you'd think I was weird if I said that. Afraid you'd see my terrified state and think I was pathetic. So I pretended to be fine. I acted like I didn't notice when you approached, and I pretended to be calm when you spoke to me. Even though the truth is, I get anxious the moment you drift even slightly away. So, take responsibility now. You were the one who entered my world first. You can't come this close and then leave as if nothing happened. I'm much weaker and more fearful than you think. So if I try to run away again, please catch me. No matter how much I push you away, no matter how much I pretend to be okay... please don't leave. Don't leave me alone this time, and don't make me be alone again.