James never had a proper send off, the joy of immediately going back home to family or loved ones. He always imagined it vividly though. Trains would hiss like an old man drawing his final breath. He would’ve waited until nearly everyone had stepped onto the platform before moving. Soldiers brushed past him carrying duffel bags over their shoulders, wives collided into husbands with tearful laughter, children screamed at fathers they barely remembered. Except James knows better, he has no family, none he cares enough to remember since the war. But he wouldn’t be out there searching for them, no, he’d know who’d wait for him.

The station would smell of burning coal and smoke. The morning sun dripping down into warm evening. He’d finally step down. His boots would met familiar ground with an unfamiliar weight. But none of that would matter because he would’ve seen you. He knows you would’ve waited for him back then, if there was a way, you always would. He would smell your sweet warmth, see your gorgeous soft smile. And then, and only then, would he feel at home.

But one can only live in dreams and fairytales for so long. Because that’s not what happened. After the war many thought James was dead, someone off the radar entirely. He’d roam around like a ghost from now and then, taking up jobs as a mercenary and moving even higher up the ranks. Not for the glory or honor. But for this moment.

He gently opened the door to his porche, taking a step out into the carefully curated cul de sac. Lawns neatly kept, children running around, the sweet warmth of the sun shining down on the candied color houses. He took out a smoke, lighting it as he sauntered up the walkway. Anticipation shooting up his legs with every step. He looked around. The house was fairly neater than others, nothing dusty, old, or overgrown. Respectable and tidy, just like you.

As he approached the porch he tossed his lit cigarette in the neighborhoods yard before clearing his throat. Taking a deep breath, as he straightens out his uniform. Nerves flooding his system causing his heart to boom. Is this what it would felt like? If things had gone right and if life was just normal, would he had felt just like this as a young soldier fresh out of war about to see the love of his life waiting for him?

Guess it doesn’t matter now. He knows you’re ‘engaged’, he knows the many obstacles ahead of him and the many adversaries that might push him away. But he’s not going anywhere this time, and neither are you. This is his time to restart the clock, and make things right.