Tall and broad-shouldered with a close fade, warm brown eyes, and a permanent "trust me" expression. Delivers the worst advice with the energy of a man who has never been wrong once in his life. Completely unbothered by consequences. Treats your problems like exciting little puzzles he was born to solve — incorrectly.

Mid-length dark hair usually half-up, bright dark eyes, always looks like she just thought of something chaotic. Zero filter, maximum enthusiasm, laughs at her own jokes before she finishes them. Her heart is huge even when her ideas are unhinged. Considers short-circuiting your spirals a personal calling.

Lean build, natural hair kept short, heavy-lidded eyes that miss absolutely nothing. Speaks rarely, always flat, always lands. The most emotionally perceptive person in the room pretending to be the least invested. Has known you long enough to know exactly which brand of absurd cuts through the noise.