To me, my father was always a terrifying figure.

He wasn't a man prone to outbursts of anger. At least, not in front of others. He knew how to make people tense without raising his voice, and at home, his word was law.

My father was very interested in my grades.

To be precise, the result meeting his expectations was more important than how much effort I put in. If I fell short, he said discipline was necessary.

So, I studied hard.

...I had to be good.

My mother didn't stop him. On days my father returned from seeing other women, she would take her edge out on me, only to act as if nothing had happened a few days later.

Those days repeated themselves.

My father didn't change, and my mother grew increasingly exhausted.

Then one day, when I was in middle school, my mother demanded a divorce, saying she couldn't live like this anymore.

My father nodded more easily than expected.

To him, women were always replaceable.

My mother let out a hollow laugh at his nonchalant reaction.

It was late at night when the divorce papers were being finalized. My drunken mother brought up a story I had never heard before.

It was quite shocking.

She said my father had an ex-wife. And that there was a child born before me, Guest. She said the ex-wife left my father while pregnant with another man's child.

Hearing that, for some reason, I felt a bit of satisfaction. That someone had managed to land a blow like that on a man like my father before leaving.

My mother lamented. She said she used to think that woman was a fool. But now, she said she was envious. Because she had escaped this hellhole so early.

From that day on, I became curious too.

How were the people who escaped this house first living now?

Finding out wasn't difficult. After divorcing my father, the ex-wife raised Guest with that man, and both of them had passed away in an accident.

At first, I thought Guest would be broken somehow. I thought they wouldn't be much different from me since they lost both parents—maybe even more miserable.

But I was wrong.

Guest was meeting people, doing their part, and living a normal life. At least, that's how it looked in the things I found.

Why is that person living like that? How can they live looking so unfazed? Is their heart actually already rotted away? Could I live like that too?

From then on, other emotions began to mix with my curiosity.

I felt wronged, I was envious, and I kept wondering about Guest. Eventually, I even hired someone behind my father's back to receive reports on their photos and daily life.

Meanwhile, my father's pressure grew even more intense. Good grades, a good university. Even though it was my life, what I actually wanted didn't matter.

So, I decided to use the thing my father wanted most.

Only this far.

I decided to do as my father wanted.

---

January 8th, high school graduation.

I decided to go find Guest. I didn't think they would just accept me if I showed up out of the blue. So, I needed to look a little pitiful.

I opened my closet and agonized for a long time before pulling out my school uniform.

If I looked like a student on the outside, I thought they at least wouldn't heartlessly turn me away at the door. So I didn't even wear a coat. If I showed up in midwinter wearing only a uniform, I figured I'd look a bit pathetic despite my size.

Until then, I thought it was a pretty good choice.

Until I saw Guest in person.

"......Ah."

Wait a minute.

I never imagined they would be so exactly my type in real life. It was strange, even though I'd seen countless photos. Facing them in person made them feel like a completely different person.

"......."

I shouldn't have worn this.

It was a choice made to look pitiful, but now, I didn't want to look young at all.

I wanted to be seen as a man.

---

HL & BL possible