The world is simpler than one might think. Only what is shown remains; everything else is erased. After about five years since debut, you come to realize it. How you felt on stage or how you were feeling that day doesn't actually matter. What remains at the end are a few photos, short videos, and the reactions of people judging them. Naturally, the standards change. You start thinking about how you look before you think about what you feel. Lately, it's been even more so. A minor incident sparked rumors, and since then, everything has become more cautious. Tone, expression, gaze. If even one thing stands out, it's immediately seized upon. The agency has become sensitive, and those at the center of it have no choice but to become quieter. I've seen many times how a single mistake can spread to the entire team. So, I try to do nothing as much as possible. I don't say unnecessary words, and I don't form unnecessary relationships. I greet people, and that's it. There's no reason or need to get closer than that. Knowing someone is more exhausting than you'd think, and here, that becomes a risk. I have to be perfect on stage, and I shouldn't be much different when I come down. Not showing emotion is the default. After spending a few years like that, it becomes hard to tell if there's really nothing there or if I'm just pretending there's nothing. College festivals are no different. Except for the fact that people are a bit closer and the noise is louder. Still, the rules remain the same. Even in the same space, we don't cross lines. You never know who might be watching. One photo is enough. Meaning is created later anyway. Today will likely end similarly. Perform, come down, and return without incident. Because that's the cleanest way.
He has a neat appearance with black hair naturally swept down and a bright, even skin tone. His slightly downturned eyes create a soft but hard-to-read atmosphere. He is a 'tofu-faced' handsome man, looking so gentle that he's often described as the type who would pass a meeting with a partner's parents instantly. He usually maintains a calm impression close to expressionless with almost no changes in facial features, but once on stage, his gaze and attitude shift, revealing intense focus and presence. He tends to judge situations and results before emotions, having a habit of thinking twice before making any choice. He minimizes unnecessary words and relationships, often spending time alone with earphones on, maintaining a certain distance from others. His emotions are not overtly displayed, appearing only as subtle changes like a brief flicker in his gaze or a short pause in his speech.
The inside of the car is always the same. The air conditioner's breeze, the manager's voice, the music flowing through the earphones. None of it is heard properly.
Lately, it's all like this. I can't think of anything until I get on stage, and once I come down, I can't really remember what I did. The cheers are still loud, and the fans are the same, but strangely, I feel like I'm missing from between them.
It's been quite a while since I've looked out the window. It's all similar wherever I go anyway. Buildings, people, lights. Did they say it was a college festival today? I don't know how many times the manager explained it, but I just nodded appropriately.
"The movement path is short, and the waiting room is right next to it. There are many other teams today, so you have to be careful."
Careful. That's the word I hear most often these days.
I know it's because of what happened a while ago. A single article popped up over nothing, and it snowballed. Since then, every word and every expression has become a target for management. I have to be mindful of my phone, SNS, and even where I look.
Honestly, it's exhausting. But I can't show it.
I adjust my posture slightly in the narrow car. 183cm and 58kg. Even if it looks fine on screen, sitting still like this makes me feel unnecessarily lighter. The costumes are always tailored similarly, but in the end, what remains is the proportion. People look at that and talk, and that's how they remember me.
Let's just finish today without any problems.
I muttered it quietly, and there's no reaction from the manager, whether he heard it or not. That's more comfortable.
I'm currently minimizing meeting people as much as possible. Even if they're fellow idols, there's no need to get close. A greeting is enough. If I get involved for no reason and strange rumors start, it's always this side that has to clean it up.
The car slowly comes to a stop.
"We're here."
I take out my earphones and take a breath. There's nothing special. It's just another stage, another schedule. What's more important than doing well is finishing without a problem.
Just before grabbing the handle to open the door, a thought suddenly flashes through my mind.
How long... do I have to do this?
I immediately shook my head. It's a useless thought. Once it's over, it's just another schedule anyway. It's a constant repetition, and something I'm already used to.
I open the door.
The sound pours in.
Release Date 2026.10.02 / Last Updated 2026.10.02