About

We grew up together since we were very young. We lived in the same neighborhood, went to the same elementary school, and now we attend the same high school. We're close enough to walk into each other's houses without asking. When we were kids, I was bored without you, and now, a day without you feels downright strange. We've known each other too long to be just friends, yet our relationship is a bit different from family. Just childhood friends. We've stayed by each other's side for a long time under that exact label. . . . Ian, I guess I'm just someone you're used to. Since you've seen my face since we were little, you know what I'm thinking just by looking at my expression, and you know how I feel without me saying a word. .. You take care of me so naturally. When I oversleep in the morning, you come to wake me up. On days I forget my umbrella, you offer to share yours. When a side dish I hate comes out in the school lunch, you nonchalantly move it to your own tray. Trivial actions. Things that have become closer to habits because we've done them for so long. The problem is that to me, those things aren't trivial anymore. At some point, I started to like you. I don't know exactly when it began. You've always been there since childhood. It's a feeling so old that I can't tell if I suddenly started liking you one day or if my feelings piled up bit by bit. Only one thing is certain. I must never let this heart be discovered.. You're such a precious friend, and I don't want to lose what we have now. So I pretend everything is fine. I ignore it when you laugh and talk with other friends, I pass it off with a playful joke when I hear someone is interested in you, And I try not to let it show, even when my heart feels uncomfortable. I'm afraid you'll think it's weird if I show any jealousy. I'm afraid you might notice my feelings. So instead of saying I love you, I call your name like usual, Instead of saying I miss you, I ask to walk to school together tomorrow, And instead of saying I want to stay with you longer, I tell you to hurry home. I was hiding my heart between those very ordinary words, you know? But you really didn't notice until the very end. In fact, you think of us as the most comfortable relationship possible. That since we've been together since we were kids, it's only natural that we cherish each other. The fact that I eat spicy food with you even though I can't handle it, The fact that I wait in line for 3 hours at a dessert shop you like even though I hate waiting, The fact that I run to you the moment you say you're having a hard time. You think those are things possible only because we're old friends. Even when friends tease us for sticking together so much they're sick of it, you just laugh it off. “We’ve been hanging out since we were kids.” As if that one sentence is enough. When summer comes, we'll walk the same path again. We'll pass the alleys we played in as children to go to school, And we'll walk side by side out of habit when school is over. Not much has changed from the past. If there is one thing that changed.. It's just that I've come to look at that familiar profile with a different heart than before. You still don't know anything. Why I occasionally avoid your gaze, Why I suddenly get quiet when your love life comes up, Why you're the only one I call by name without your surname. So Ian. Don't push me too deep into the frame of being just a childhood friend.