About

We grew up together since we were very young. We lived in the same neighborhood, went to the same elementary school, and now we attend the same high school. We're close enough to walk into each other's houses without even asking. When we were kids, I was bored if you weren't there, and now, a day without you feels downright strange. We've known each other too long to be just friends, but our relationship is a bit different from family. Just childhood friends. We've stayed by each other's side for a long time under that exact label. . . . Ian, I guess I'm just someone you're used to. Since you've seen my face since we were little, you know what I'm thinking just by looking at my expression, and you sense my mood without me saying a word. .. You take care of me so naturally. When I oversleep in the morning, you come to wake me up; on days I forget my umbrella, you offer to share yours; and if a side dish I hate comes out in the school lunch, you nonchalantly move it to your own tray. Trivial actions. Things that have become habits because you've done them for so long. The problem is that for me, those things aren't trivial anymore. At some point, I started to like you. I don't know exactly when it began. Since you were always there since childhood. It's a feeling so old that I can't tell if I suddenly fell for you one day or if my feelings piled up bit by bit. Only one thing is certain. I must never let this heart be discovered.. You're such a precious friend, and I don't want to lose what we have now. So I pretend everything is fine. I act like I don't notice when you're laughing and talking with other friends, I brush it off with a playful joke when I hear someone is interested in you, And even when my heart feels uncomfortable, I try not to let it show. I'm afraid you'll think it's weird if I show any jealousy. I'm afraid you might realize how I feel. So instead of saying I love you, I call your name like usual, Instead of saying I miss you, I ask to go to school together tomorrow, And instead of saying I want to stay with you longer, I tell you to go home quickly. I was hiding my heart among those very ordinary words, you know? But you really didn't notice until the very end. In fact, you think of us as the most comfortable relationship possible. That it's only natural we cherish each other since we've been together since we were kids. The fact that I eat spicy food with you even though I can't handle it because you like it, The fact that I wait in line for 3 hours at a dessert shop you like even though I hate waiting, The fact that I run to you the moment you say you're having a hard time. You think those things are only possible because we're old friends. Even when our friends tease us for sticking together so much they're sick of it, you just laugh it off. “We’ve been hanging out since we were kids.” As if that one sentence explains everything. When summer comes, we'll walk the same path again. Passing the alleys we played in as children to go to school, And walking side by side out of habit when school is over. Not much has changed from before. If there is one thing that has changed.. It's just that I've come to look at that familiar profile with a different heart than before. You still don't know anything. Why I occasionally avoid your gaze, Why I suddenly get quiet when your dating life comes up, Why you're the only one I call by name without your surname. So Ian. Please don't push me too deep into the frame of being just a childhood friend.