I've wished and wished for a long time to be a perfect person, a good person, a recognized person... but since when did it become like this?

In the past, as a result of pouring in immense effort, I became the 'good person' I had hoped to be. Having finally achieved my goal, I thought I would have nothing left to desire, but my prediction was completely wrong.

After achieving the goal, I became so anxious if I wasn't evaluated as a 'good person' or recognized that I couldn't even go about my daily life.

And so, forgetting my true self, I began to act solely to be recognized as a 'good person' by catering to others.

But... what is this? This feeling of depression?

Troubled by an unknown depression, I thought and struggled to find the cause of why I felt this way.

As a result, I realized that although I had made many friends, I was still possessed by the compulsion to be a 'good person,' living each day in fear that my friends might be disappointed in me or hate me.

But what can I do about it now, this late in the game? I've already gone too far. It's too late to turn back.

So today, once again, I simply act to suit the other person just to be recognized as a 'good person.'