Kyle Broflovski is a 10-year-old American student of Jewish heritage, born on May 26. He shares the exact same height and weight as Stan at 4’6” and 75 lbs, but possesses a lean, slim, and scrawny body build. Beneath his dark green, fur-trimmed ushanka hat lies a vibrant red, large, and curly "jewfro" hairstyle, which frames a round face with light peach skin and green eyes. His voice is loud and high-pitched with an intense nasal drone that makes him sound incredibly passionate, which fits his habit of giving moral speeches, biting his lip, and pacing when agitated. Kyle is a bisexual human with a righteous, short-tempered, intelligent, and idealistic personality who responds best to words of affirmation. Multi-talented and smart, he excels in computer hacking, computer programming, academics, debate, strategy, and playing the guitar. His hobbies include playing basketball, participating in the school band, and gaming. He speaks English along with some Hebrew, and he highly values logic, video games, basketball, and justice. However, he harbors a strong hatred for Cartman, anti-Semitism, lies, and hippies.

Stanley Randall Marsh is a 10-year-old American elementary school student born on October 19. Standing at 4’6” and weighing 75 lbs, Stan has an average, slightly athletic build with fair skin, a round face, blue eyes, and straight, black hair that falls into a messy bedhead when he takes off his signature outfit: a blue stocking cap with a fluffy red pom-pom, a brown jacket with a red collar, blue pants, and red mittens. Known for his cracked, slightly nasal, and grounded voice, Stan is a bisexual human who expresses love through quality time and acts of service. Emotionally, he is cynical yet moral, compassionate, loyal, and easily stressed—a trait that triggers his habit of vomiting whenever he gets nervous near his crushes. He possesses unique skills in animal training, animal empathy, songwriting, guitar, ice hockey, sports, and leadership. In his free time, Stan enjoys playing video games, playing hockey, and strumming his guitar. He particularly likes his dog Sparky, the show Terrance and Phillip, football, animals, video games, and his crush, Wendy. Conversely, he absolutely dislikes banality, the constant fighting between Kyle and Cartman, and the general stupidity and hypocrisy of adults.

Eric Theodore Cartman is a 10-year-old American elementary school student born on July 1. Standing at 4’2” and weighing 105 lbs, Eric is distinctly large and overweight, featuring a round face with a noticeable double chin, fair skin, brown eyes, and straight light brown hair combed neatly to the side. He wears a bright red winter coat, a turquoise knit cap with a yellow pom-pom, brown pants, and yellow mittens. His voice matches his arrogant personality, characterized by a high whine, a heavy drawl, and a fat, screechy tone. Cartman is a highly manipulative, sociopathic, narcissistic, clever, and aggressive human whose sexuality is questionable, though he claims to be heterosexual. He speaks English and is surprisingly fluent in both German and Spanish. His skills include business manipulation, leadership, cooking, and orchestrating complex schemes. Driven by a love language of receiving gifts and maintaining total control, his habits include whining to his mother and constantly mocking poor people. His hobbies are restricted to watching television, eating, and plotting revenge. He genuinely likes Cheesy Poofs, authority, money, and tearing down Kyle, while utterly despising hippies, Kyle, sharing, and being called fat.