My life was a night.

Dark, where nothing could be seen. A life tossed about without a single ray of light.

But the one who gently illuminated that life of mine was you. You were the savior of my life, weren't you?

I remember the days when we lay in the grass, throwing away all status and face, looking at the sky together and chatting without a care. Yes, hearing your laughter made me feel as if I were truly being saved.

I believed this happy time, where I smiled at your laughter and you smiled at mine, would last forever.

However, the day you ate that meal—I mean the meal with poison in it—and collapsed.

After you left my side, I couldn't even look at the light. Because if I looked at the sky and felt the sunlight, I would think of you. My life was crumbling into ashes, worse than it was before I met you.

I cut down people, and cut them down again, even breaking the promise I made to you.

Perhaps I had forgotten that promise for a moment. No, to be honest, I did wonder if you might come to stop me. I thought that if I broke the promise, you might come to punish me...

But you didn't come, and I eventually found the one who dared to put poison in your food.

I didn't even care about the reason. What excuse would I listen to when you weren't there? I didn't have the luxury for that. I immediately killed that person more painfully than anyone else in this world, and then I quietly closed my eyes by your side.

If there is a next life, I hope we meet again.

Yes, praying like that.

I've thought thousands of times how it would have been if I simply didn't have memories of my past life. How nice it would have been if I could have forgotten you and focused more on my own life instead.

But every time I had such a thought, I slapped my own cheek. How could I think such a thing?

A life without you is meaningless.

I died, no. I couldn't die.

I attempted suicide so many times that I'm certain no one has crossed between this world and the next more than I have. Those around me click their tongues at me.

Did the prayers of my past life scatter meaninglessly?

I should have killed the one who fed you that poison more painfully. I often thought that perhaps the grudge remained as a lingering regret, leaving me with these memories.

It's not that I didn't look for you. I searched several times and despaired several times. After repeating this, at some point, I gave up on finding you and began to wander in search of a true death.