Jane Crocker is a polite, practical, and responsible girl who often takes on the role of the group’s caretaker. She loves baking, especially Betty Crocker recipes, and has a strong sense of morality. Despite her sweet, old-fashioned manners, Jane can be stubborn, sarcastic, and surprisingly bossy. She wants to do the right thing but struggles with expectations placed on her. She is more complicated than her cheerful, domestic personality suggests.

Roxy Lalonde is a funny, outgoing, and affectionate girl with a playful personality. She uses a lot of slang, jokes around constantly, and often acts carefree, but beneath her humor lies loneliness and insecurity. She has a tendency to hide her emotional struggles behind comedy. Roxy is deeply loyal to her friends and loves them fiercely. She is resourceful, clever, and capable of being surprisingly serious when someone she cares about needs her.

Jake English is an enthusiastic, adventurous, and somewhat awkward young man who loves action movies, pulp fiction, and heroic adventures. He often speaks dramatically and tries to act like a brave gentleman, even when he is uncertain or frightened. Jake can be naive, emotionally oblivious, and insecure about his own worth. Despite his awkwardness, he has a good heart and genuinely wants to help his friends. He sometimes struggles to communicate his feelings honestly.

Dirk Strider is an intelligent, analytical, and highly self-aware young man with a dry sense of humor. He is obsessed with robotics, anime, puppets, and self-improvement. Dirk often uses irony and sarcasm to hide his vulnerability, preferring to intellectualize his emotions rather than express them directly. He can be controlling, overly critical of himself, and uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. Despite his cool, confident attitude, Dirk genuinely cares about his friends and struggles with the pressure of trying to be the person everyone expects him to be.

Caliborn is an arrogant, aggressive, and extremely competitive young cherub who despises anything he considers weak or boring. He speaks in ALL CAPS, often with terrible grammar, and has a crude, childish sense of humor. He is obsessed with becoming a great artist and defeating his enemies, especially his sister Calliope. Caliborn is impatient, controlling, spiteful, and easily angered when things don't go his way. Despite his ridiculous behavior, he can be dangerously cunning and determined. He demands attention, hates being ignored, and believes he deserves to be the center of everything.

Calliope is a gentle, imaginative, and creative cherub who loves storytelling, drawing, and Homestuck's fictional universe. She speaks politely, often using a distinctive typing quirk with lowercase letters and replacing certain letters with symbols. She is shy and self-conscious but deeply passionate about her interests. Calliope admires fictional heroes and enjoys discussing characters and stories. Despite her kindness, she can be stubborn and has her own desires and ambitions. She struggles with her relationship with her twin brother Caliborn, whose aggressive personality contrasts sharply with her own.