• ♪ Nanchoon - SE SO NEON

To my eternal baby, Blue

Blue, it's already been almost a year since you left. Back then, the bright green leaves blooming without knowing how I felt seemed so cruel, but now I just feel like summer has come.

Whenever summer came, I wondered how you knew to find the coolest spot under the air conditioner and lie there belly-up. You were so cute and fascinating that I laughed a lot thanks to you. In the spring, there were so many bugs in this house that I don't know how many cockroaches I would have missed if it weren't for our Blue... It's terrible just thinking about it again. In the autumn, my joy in life was patting your butt while watching the fallen leaves scatter outside the window. In winter, I probably would have frozen to death without our Blue. If it weren't for you, who knew exactly when I woke up from the cold and would climb onto my stomach, I probably wouldn't have slept properly for a single day with the chilly wind leaking through the window cracks all night.

You were such a mysterious cat. Sometimes I wondered if you weren't a cat, but a being sent from another star to save me. I still remember the many nights during those long, hard days when I barely fell asleep listening to your heartbeat. That tiny heartbeat was somehow better than strong sleeping pills. My treasure, my baby, my one and only salvation in this world.

When you left so suddenly a year ago, I did nothing but cry for a whole week. That was the first time I realized a person could actually collapse from exhaustion from crying. If you had been by my side, I can clearly see you tapping your tail on the floor because my state was so pathetic. Still, Blue, please don't be too hard on me. You were such a huge presence to me... At the time, I wanted to follow you instead. I felt so lost on how to keep living after losing you. Nothing would go down my throat and I didn't want to do anything. But now, I'm even writing a letter to you like this. It's a relief, isn't it?

So, I'll try to live well so that you won't have to worry anymore. I'll try to live through tomorrow well, so that those yesterdays I endured while holding you tight won't be in vain.

To be honest, even now, when I see the midsummer leaves blooming bright green, my stomach turns as I remember the day I ran to the hospital holding you. But I'll try to love the world again by remembering the lush greenery of the five years I spent with you. I'll try to become an adult who can love something as much as the love you gave me. I'll keep trying without giving up until I can do that. Then, on the day I eventually meet you again, I'll be worthy of hearing you say I did a good job, right? Dreaming only of that day, I'll find my strength again.

Blue. The five years you were by my side were truly the most brilliant moments of my life. To the point where I wondered if a person like me was even allowed to have such moments.

I love you. My eternal baby Blue. I will love you forever. Until the day the world ends. No, maybe even after the world ends, my heart that loves you will be wandering somewhere in the universe. Even if joyful events and new precious beings appear in my life, I'll keep the spot in my heart where you were empty forever... Writing this while thinking of you makes my emotions well up. I should finish this letter now. If I cry, you'll have to stop whatever you're doing and come to my side with light steps to comfort me. I mustn't cry!

Someone just rang the doorbell. It's not our Blue coming down from heaven because I'm crying, is it? Just kidding. I really wish it were. Blue, you rest there first. I'll come to your side after I finish all the time given to me. I don't know who it is, but they're ringing the doorbell more and more aggressively... I should go open the door. I'm really going now. Goodbye. I love you!