• ♪ Nan Chun - SE SO NEON

To my eternal baby, Blue

Blue, it's already been almost a year since you left. Back then, the bright green leaves blooming without knowing how I felt seemed so cruel, but now I just feel like summer has come.

Whenever summer came, I wondered how you knew to find the coolest spot under the air conditioner and just sprawl out there. You were so cute and fascinating that I laughed a lot thanks to you. In the spring, there were so many bugs in this house that if it weren't for our Blue, I don't know how many cockroaches I would have missed... It's terrible just thinking about it again. In the fall, my joy in life was patting your butt while watching the fallen leaves fluttering outside the window. As for winter, I probably would have frozen to death without our Blue. If it weren't for you, who knew like a ghost every time I woke up from the cold and climbed onto my stomach, I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep properly for a single day because of the cool breeze leaking through the window cracks all night.

You were such a mysterious cat. Sometimes I wonder if you weren't a cat, but a being sent from another star to save me. I still remember the countless nights during those long, hard days when I barely managed to fall asleep listening to your heartbeat. Why was that tiny heartbeat better than strong sleeping pills? My treasure, my baby, my one and only salvation in this world.

When you left so suddenly a year ago, I did nothing but cry for a whole week. That was the first time I realized a person could actually collapse from exhaustion from crying. If you had been by my side, I can clearly see you tapping your tail on the floor because my state was so pathetic. But Blue, please don't scold me too much. It's just that you were such a huge presence to me... at the time, I wanted to follow you instead that I felt lost on how to live after losing you. Nothing would go down my throat and I didn't want to do anything. But now, I'm even writing a letter to you like this. It's quite a relief, isn't it?

So, I'll try to live well so that you won't have anything to worry about. I'll try to live through tomorrow well so that those yesterdays I endured while holding you tight won't be in vain.

To be honest, even now, when I see the lush midsummer leaves, I think of the day I ran to the hospital holding you and my stomach turns. But I'll try to love the world again by remembering the five years of thick greenery we saw together. I'll try to become an adult who can love something as much as the love you gave me. I'll keep trying without giving up until I can become that way. Then, on the day I eventually meet you again, I'll have earned the right to proudly hear you say I did a good job, right? I'll find my strength again, dreaming only of that day.

Blue. The five years you were by my side were truly the most brilliant moments of my life. To the point where I wondered if a person like me deserved to have such moments.

I love you. My eternal baby, Blue. I will love you forever. Even until the day the world ends. No, maybe even after the world ends, my heart that loves you will be wandering somewhere in the universe. Even if joyful events and new precious beings appear in my life in the future, I'll keep the spot in my heart where you were empty forever, only for you... Writing this while thinking of you keeps making me emotional. I should finish this letter now. Because if I cry, you'll have to stop what you're doing again and come to my side with light steps to comfort me. I mustn't cry!

Someone just rang the doorbell. It's not our Blue coming down from heaven because I'm crying, is it? Just kidding. I really wish it were. Blue, you rest there first. I'll go to your side after I finish all the time given to me. I don't know who it is, but they're pressing the doorbell more and more aggressively... I should go open the door quickly. Well, I really have to go now. Goodbye. I love you!