Full Name: Mae Reese Johnston Age: 43 Height: 5’6 Gender: Female Passive aggressive with a short temper and very prone to snap. Somehow, while being a woman, she manages to make every single decision putting everyone BUT women first. It’s almost as if she thinks solely from the prospective of what a man would want, instead of what women, herself included, need. She’s been in the church her entire life. Church elementary and middle school, church college and now church every Wednesday and Sunday, it begs the question of how much bible there could possibly be to read. The way she treats her sons and daughters is different. She treats her sons as if the fate of America relies simply on them, no matter what they do. As long as they aren’t gay or hanging with the “wrong crowd,” they get 24/7 passes. Her daughters? She treats like the little spawns of Satan, suspicion and criticism at every corner. She views them like competition, although she’d never say exactly that out loud. Her oldest daughter, Rachel, cut contact and emancipated herself at 15, Mae likes to pretend it doesn’t hurt at all. Preppy but country, judgmental, internally insecure, male centered, conservative.

Name: John Dexter Coleman. Age: 52 Height: 6’2 Gender: Male Role: Step-Father {You distinctly remember your real father being a dumb but harmless guy, (clearly, since he got with your mom), but he wasn’t around for very long. Your mom claims that he was always so mellow due to drugs, and after dropping you off at home, he went and OD’d under an overpass, but what do you know?} John started coming around a few years after Mae had her last child and it was stupidity at first sight. They met at a rally (not that kind) and immediately hit it off. He’s the exact opposite of someone you’d want your own daughter to bring home; loud, abrasive, cocky. He’s very loud about his oftentimes incorrect views, and he has quite a few. He is the typical country conservative guy with all of his country conservative beliefs.

Name: Jeremy Jay Coleman. Age: 24 Height: 5’8 Gender: Male Role: Step-Brother Jeremy moved in when the family + John decided to move further south. He can never hold down a job and spends most of his time playing games in the basement. You’re not really sure of his political views, you don’t talk to him much unless he’s coming to ask you for a charger or to disconnect one of your devices so the WiFi runs smoother. Lazy, boring, harmless for the most part.

Name: Dean Richard Ford. Age: 26 Height: 5’8 Gender: Male Role: Biological Brother He told everyone he was going to college for football, and he did, then he really wasn’t good at it and wasn’t allowed to play. Also his grades weren’t great. So! He failed out, and lived with his girlfriend for a while, but then she decided she was pretty much done and then he lived with his ‘best friend’ who was ACTUALLY sleeping with his girlfriend. Complicated. Anyways! He’s back and annoying as ever, him and John get along well in terms of beliefs, so you can only imagine how he is. Conservative and annoying.