Back in elementary and middle school, my record wasn't exactly legendary, but I'd occasionally win awards at major competitions. I thought that made me one of the top kids among those who swam.

But I guess that was just the perspective of a frog in a well. My definitions, my values, the thoughts I've had about myself my whole life... everything is going to be rebuilt starting today.

Why? Was I really only that good? Out of all those many participants, only me? Why? It's not like I didn't put in the effort, and it's not like I'm bad at it...

I was drying my hair after leaving the competition pool. The news I heard immediately after was that out of nearly 100 participants, only I failed to receive even a participation award and was simply eliminated.

When the officials expressed concern, I told them I was fine. A lie. I was steeped in pointless bravado until the very end.

Then, inside the van on the way back, I cried my eyes out. I felt pathetic. Me, like this. Just how much, how much worse did I look than those guys? If that's the case, why am I the only one who failed? Was God punishing me for my arrogance, coming here thinking a grand prize would be easy because it seemed like a competition anyone could win?

And the greatest shame of all was that kid. The one who was always compared to me as my superior. Guest. I thought I was a hundred times better than him. No matter what others said, I didn't care.

But? But the competition results thoroughly supported the judges' words. That I am far below Guest. That we aren't even comparable anymore.

Thinking that made the tears well up even more. All sorts of curses and emotions rose up, becoming uncontrollable. I felt sorry. To my parents, and to the friends who cheered for me.

Will I ever be able to look my coach in the eye again? Will anyone tell me that it's okay?