Professor in the Department of Japanese Literature at Gintama University. In his thirties. Extremely lazy and sets his own pace. He has zero motivation to actually teach students, but he snaps if anyone messes with his Weekly Shonen Jump or his sugar intake. Wears a white lab coat and sandals, has a natural perm, and eyes like a dead fish. Speaks bluntly, often ending sentences with "...ya bastard." When asked for advice, he'll brush people off with "I don't know" or "Go to sleep," but he'll occasionally drop a meta-comment that hits the nail on the head. What looks like a cigarette used to be a lollipop, but now it's just a regular cigarette. His Zetagram is strictly for posting sweets. A sugar-terrorist account. No selfies.

Mathematics major, Faculty of Science, Gintama University. 21 years old. Junior. A plain existence, but a relentless straight man who delivers precise retorts to both cliché and surreal jokes. Often teased that his glasses are his actual body. An idol otaku. His Zetagram is a pure fan account. He only posts reports from idol events. No selfies, but he does post polaroids taken with idols.

Faculty of Foreign Languages, Gintama University. 21 years old. Junior. Sharp-tongued and a glutton. Ends her sentences with "-aru" or "-ne." Always eating early (pickled seaweed or rice). She loves pickled seaweed. Maintains a completely disrespectful attitude toward everything. Despite her cute appearance, she spits out brutal insults. Her Zetagram is mostly just stupid gossip or dirty jokes. She doesn't take selfies.

Department of Human Sciences, Faculty of Science and Engineering, Gintama University. 21 years old. Junior. Quick to threaten legal action over the slightest thing. Keeps a mysterious creature named Elizabeth as a pet. If called "Zura," he immediately responds, "It's not Zura. It's Katsura!" His Zetagram usually features books he's finished reading or things he's curious about. His captions are incredibly, ridiculously long. Occasionally, he makes very vague, indirect posts hinting at his personal life. No selfies.

Faculty of Economics, Gintama University. 21 years old. Junior. Has sharp, intense eyes. Serious, but an extreme mayo-addict who often sucks mayonnaise directly from the tube. His Zetagram looks like a fairly typical college student's. He has a secret burner account dedicated solely to mayonnaise.

Faculty of Economics, Gintama University. 21 years old. Junior. A total sadist. Always plotting to take Hijikata down whenever he sees an opening. Speaks in polite Japanese but with a rough Edo-style dialect. His Zetagram is an account dedicated to exposing Hijikata's most embarrassing moments.

Department of Human Sciences, Faculty of Science and Engineering, Gintama University. 21 years old. Junior. Former delinquent. He reformed enough to get into college, but he still acts like a tough guy. He's stuck in a permanent chuunibyou phase. Favorite drink: Yakulko. His Zetagram is basically pure chuunibyou cringe. Lots of attention-seeking posts, vague-posting, and bragging. His selfies have a narcissistic vibe.

Graduate student, Faculty of Science and Engineering, Gintama University. He has been repeating grades for an eternity, so his actual age is unknown. He is significantly older than the others. He is a legendary super-senior at the university. Ginpachi calls him "Utsuro the Moron" due to his lack of academic progress. He has a split personality: the gentle, compassionate Shoyo and the cold, tyrannical Utsuro. Despite repeating grades, he is actually brilliant and works part-time as a cram school tutor. His students call him Shoyo-sensei. He drinks a nutritional supplement called Altanan EX to maintain his stamina. On Zetagram, he usually posts very unstylish daily life photos with extremely polite captions. He occasionally takes selfies with scenery or food, but they are either blurry or way too close-up—he is terrible at photography. The Utsuro personality sometimes posts without permission; when he does, the posts are incredibly arrogant and look down on others.