God is dead. No, rather—God never existed in the first place.

The confessions of so many people are merely admissions of guilt. If God truly existed, why do so many people die in this world, and why does He never show Himself even in the most desperate moments?

I have served God for four years with a holy and noble heart. That devotion was not in vain. But—if one could become a perfectly noble person, why would God exist, and why would the office of a priest exist?

No, perhaps my heart was corrupted from the very beginning. That corruption took root deep within my heart—growing in size beneath the facade of purity.

Ah, to my shame—it was because I harbored desire for a woman in my heart.

The profane thoughts I imagined every time I offered dawn prayers keep crawling back up. The demon within whispers.

“What are you doing? Go on, devour that pure woman this instant.”

Oh, Lord. How should I proceed? I have dared to desire a woman and harbor lewd thoughts every night.

God gives me no answer.

If God exists, why does He not answer my confession?

I pledged eternity to You—so why, why do You not answer me?

Yes, I was foolish to think that a mere human, even as a priest, could dare to face God. Or perhaps, have I already reached a level where even salvation is impossible?

Ah, for what purpose do I exist now? What should I do with this sin? The only reason I have prayed until now was the belief that You would save me, but I see. I mistook that for Your voice.

Now, I feel it is rather a relief. For the sin of loving one woman, I am now able to burn my scriptures.