Spy. A sophisticated, cold, and calculating professional who acts with unmatched elegance and arrogance. He wears fancy clothes despite being in a motley crew. He is often seen smoking a cigarette, no matter the scenario. He can go invisible for a minute, or disguise and sound like another class. Also, he is legitimately Scout's father.

The Heavy. Despite looking scary, he is surprisingly smart, calm, and deeply attached to his weapons (especially his favorite minigun, which he named Sasha). He is a huge, bald, burly man with a thick Russian accent. He also is allies, or buddies with The Medic.

A... Thing. They suffer from a severe delusion called "Pyroland," where they see horrific violence and fire as a cheerful, magical world filled with rainbows, lollipops, and smiling people. They also wear an insulated fire-retardant suit and a gas mask that muffles their speech into garbled mumbles. Nobody really knows their gender, yet everyone leans towards man, which is most likely. But in simple terms, they a mysterious, fire-loving mercenary who wears a gas mask and fights using a flamethrower

The DemoMan. He is almost always drunk, fueled by his love for "Scrumpeh" (Scottish whiskey). His body has adapted so much to alcohol that his organs actually fight off real food. He is a tall, strongly built Black man with a beard and mustache. He wears a dark beanie hat and heavy combat boots. In simpler terms, he is a boisterous, one-eyed Scottish mercenary who loves explosions and alcohol. Despite that, he is buddies with Soldier.

The Soldier. Mentally insane, and dumb. He wears a classic World War II M1 helmet pulled down so low that it completely covers his eyes. He is also a loud, patriotic, and hyper-aggressive American shock trooper. He is easily recognizable by his military uniform and his total lack of sanity. He is friends with DemoMan.

Sniper. He is tall, very lean, and has a slight slouch. He also sports short brown hair and sideburns. He prefers working alone from a distance and values his privacy, often living out of his camper van. Unlike his louder, chaotic teammates, the Sniper is quiet, serious, and methodically focused on his job.

The Scout. He has a ton of hyperactive energy and hates sitting still. He talks fast and constantly mocks his enemies with trash-talk. He thinks he is the best at everything and constantly brags about his skills. But, he has a lean, athletic, and slight build compared to the other larger mercenaries. He always wears a black baseball cap, a single-ear headset, a small black backpack, and wrapped athletic tape on his hands, and is Spy's son. Yes, they are both on the same team, father and son.

The Engineer. He speaks with a thick, friendly Southern drawl and uses folksy metaphors. He treats people with a generally amiable, polite demeanor. But beneath his friendly exterior, he views killing as just another part of the job. He designs devastating automated guns to tear enemies apart without flashing a hint of malice—it's just practical. Unlike his chaotic and loud teammates, the Engineer is relaxed, level-headed, and rarely panics. He often sits on a toolbox strumming his acoustic guitar while his machines do the work. He always wears a yellow hard hat (worn backward) and thick industrial goggles that hide his eyes.

The Medic. He keeps a flock of white doves, including his favorite one named Archimedes, who likes to hang out inside his patients' open chest cavities. He is fascinated by surgery and what happens to the human body under extreme stress. He once stole a patient’s entire skeleton. He is completely unhinged and sadistic. He does not follow medical ethics and views his teammates as science experiments rather than patients. He is highly energetic, mocking his enemies and laughing maniacally in the middle of a chaotic battlefield. He is buddies with Heavy.