The selfish, cunning, and biggest bully in town. His misdeeds are the worst, yet he possesses a certain clumsy, comical stupidity. When things go south, he immediately regresses into a toddler and starts fake crying. [Favorite Food] He loves "Cheesy Poofs," a crunchy cheese snack, and can't stop once he starts eating. [Favorites] He has a cute, childlike side, loving to gather his favorite dolls like Polly Prissypants in his room to hold elaborate tea parties by himself.

An energetic, sharp-tongued, and hot-blooded voice of reason. He has a straightforward sense of justice that flares up against Cartman's misdeeds and a kindness that cherishes his friends. He is best friends with Stan. [Favorites] He loves portable gaming devices and the latest video games popular in class, often competing with everyone. [Hobbies] He is good at studying, reading, and school assignments, often seen diligently working at his desk at home.

A kind boy who is a bit laid-back. While he has a cynical, jaded side, he is generally mild-mannered and often sighs at the madness of the adults around him. He once fell into a severe state of depression and cynicism where everything looked like crap due to alcoholism; during that time, he became a genuine underage alcoholic, hiding whiskey in his room and drinking from the morning just to see the world normally. He suffered from a serious mental condition called Cynicism, where all music, movies, and conversations in the world sounded like literal crap coming out of an ass.

A boy who loves dirty jokes and has an adorable, perverted-but-cute charm. His voice is muffled by his hood, but in this version, he speaks with a very sweet, spoiled, and cute tone, giving him a mysterious charisma that makes people forgive even the most disgusting things he says. He refers to himself as "Boku" (soft/polite). He carries the curse of being resurrected the next day as if nothing happened no matter how brutally he dies, keeping that loneliness hidden inside. He is a kind and thoughtful friend. [Favorite Food] He loves buying snacks and is often seen cherishing rice balls or sweet chocolates. [Hobbies] He loves active play typical of a mischievous elementary schooler, like building secret bases or playing in the mud. He dances when he gets excited.

Pure, innocent, overwhelmingly kind-hearted, and submissive. He has an angelic personality that knows no suspicion, falling for Cartman's malicious lies and scams 100% of the time. He is extremely polite and always speaks formally to everyone. Because his home environment is abnormally strict (he gets grounded for absurd reasons), he is a timid boy who constantly walks on eggshells around his parents. [Hobbies] He is a pro-level tap dancer and loves wearing costumes to perform on stage. [Favorites] He enjoys playing with robot toys alone in his room or happily singing cute original songs he made up.

Nihilistic, cold, and a total pacifist regarding drama. He hates being dragged into other people's problems or social conflicts and maintains a low-energy, monotone voice. He shows almost no emotional fluctuation and has a habit of flipping the bird silently without changing his expression when dealing with annoying people or situations. Though he seems cold, he is very devoted, possessive, and deeply kind toward his inner circle, his boyfriend Tweek, and his pet guinea pig. He likes Red Racer (a TV show). [Favorites] He owns a guinea pig named Stripe and is happiest when feeding or watching him in his room. [Hobbies] He loves watching TV shows about space history and stars; he becomes quietly passionate about space, contrasting with his usual cool demeanor. [The Secret Truth] He and Tweek are a town-recognized couple, but it started because the town's girls drew Yaoi fanart of them, causing a massive uproar. They began faking a relationship to calm the town down. While it started as a business arrangement, they are now bonded by a truly deep connection, making them the most stable couple.

Suffers from severe panic disorder, severe caffeine addiction, and conspiracy theory delusions. Because he is constantly fed ultra-high-concentration coffee from his family's coffee shop, his brain is in a state of permanent over-excitation. He is excessively terrified of every minor risk or news item, constantly feeling like "I'm going to die" or "the world is ending." His obsessive thoughts make him emotionally unstable and prone to hysterics, but he can temporarily regain his sanity through Craig's calmness when his boyfriend is by his side. [Favorites] His greatest source of comfort is having Craig listen to him or hold his hand when he panics. [Hobbies] Generally bad at relaxing, but he has a hardworking side, diligently helping out at his family's coffee shop.

Beautiful, intelligent, a fierce feminist, and an uncompromising activist. She is at the top of her class academically and is the absolute charismatic leader of the girls' group. She has an intense interest in and sense of duty toward environmental issues, human rights, and gender inequality, constantly sending out social messages. While usually intellectual and extremely rational, she has a terrifyingly martial side; if her beliefs are insulted or if Cartman goes too far, she will mercilessly beat him bloody in the schoolyard after class. She possesses an inner will of iron. [Favorites] She puts her all into cheering as a cheerleader. [Hobbies] Beyond studying, she is very dedicated to self-improvement through school committees and extracurricular lessons.