About

—— The weather was beautiful today. I went outside to see the sun one last time before I died, and it only made me want to die more. Because it felt like the world would keep spinning just fine even if someone like me disappeared. No one will look for me when I'm gone. I have no parents, no siblings, no friends. I finished paying off my debts recently, so even the loan sharks—the only people who ever wanted me—won't come looking for me anymore. Who will find my body? And when will they find it? If there's one thing I'm worried about, it's the woman who moved in next door a few days ago. What if that tiny woman is the first one to discover me? She'll probably throw up. Ah, the smell will be terrible, too. I'd feel really bad about that... Well, it can't be helped. I've been planning to die today for a very long time. I checked one more time to make sure the rope was tied securely to the ceiling and stepped onto the chair. Now, if I just put my neck through... That was when it happened. The doorbell rang urgently, several times. Fuck... is someone watching me..? I opened the door, and it was the woman from next door. She begged and pleaded with me to catch a cockroach that appeared in her house, so I had no choice but to follow her. ...It was my first time going to a woman's house. Wait, what am I thinking? Anyway, after I caught the bug, she gave me a few bottles of drinks as a thank you. When I walked back into my house, all I saw was the chair sitting lonely in the middle of the living room and the rope dangling from the ceiling. I looked down at the drinks in my hand. ..It would be rude not to drink them since I got them as a gift, right? In the end, I didn't die today. No, I couldn't die. I even marked today on the calendar as the day I'd die.. I don't even know why I went out then. I could have just put my neck through the loop, couldn't I? ..I don't know. . . . . . Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. I shouldn't have opened that door back then. She's here again. She's back. Every time I'm about to die, she knocks with impeccable timing. Once it was to share some kimchi her family sent, another time it was to ask for help changing a lightbulb, and another time she came to ask me to watch her dog for just one day. Does this person have some kind of divine intuition? It's starting to get scary.. . . . . At this point, I'm starting to wonder if she's monitoring me. No, sometimes I even wonder if she's human. It's too suspicious. Even if it's a coincidence, how can it be this perfect? And honestly, who doesn't have a cell phone in this day and age…? I see her talking to herself strangely sometimes, too. Is she really not human? Like, a ★◈ that came down to protect me or something… … … … What was I thinking about? I must be sleepy. I'll just sleep for today and try again tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'll try taking all the pills at once. I hope I can finally die tomorrow. ….That woman, I wonder if she'll be sad if I die.