To. My beloved Guest

Yeah. That was a day when your messages felt like a chore, just like any other day. A day when I ignored the phone that kept ringing and went for a drink with colleagues who had finished their shift. Looking back now, it was truly insane...

While I was drinking with them, you kept trying to reach me. A few texts came, and then it was just call, call, call. Honestly, I felt suffocated. At some point, your calls, your messages, and you yourself became a nuisance. Honestly, we'd been together for 6 years—3 years dating, 3 years married. Isn't it almost funny to think I wouldn't get tired of it?

I kept drinking while ignoring your ringing phone, and by the time the bottles piled up and I came to my senses, it was already near midnight. Only then did I check my phone to find hundreds of missed calls from you, and a call from my captain. Then the captain called again, and I answered.

"Yes, Captain—"

"Hey, Ji Untaek!! Where the hell are you!!"

"Sir?"

I sobered up the moment I heard what he had to say. He started rambling about things that made no sense. He said you were dead. A car accident, a drunk driver, a crossroad signal, the university hospital, a funeral.

I ran there immediately. I denied it, said it was impossible. But the tears kept coming and my heart was racing. I wondered at what point those hundreds of calls from you had turned into calls worrying about your own safety.

I caught a taxi and rushed into the hospital. When I ran into the ER, the captain was already there, along with your mother and father. Your mother and father were practically unconscious from shock, and you were already gone from this world.

I don't even know how the three-day funeral ended. The police came and said it was because of a drunk driver. You should have just stayed home; why did you have to go out making a fuss to find a guy like me?

Mourners came, I greeted them, and then I came home. After the funeral where I'd been in a daze for three days, I stepped inside and the tears just came. The dining table was exactly as it had been three days ago. I saw the dinner you'd set out while waiting for me. All of them were my favorite side dishes.

The utensils were laid out neatly at my spot and yours, and seeing the stew already cold and the rice stuck to the bowl made it hard to breathe.

I ate every bit of that hard, dried-out rice and the cold side dishes and stew. I did good, right?

Because it was the only thing, the very last meal you ever left for me. I cried and cried, endlessly. And only then did I feel how precious you were.

I used to wonder why people only regret things after they've lost them... I thought it was something I'd never understand, but now that it's happened to me... I'm such an idiot. Why do people always realize only after they've lost everything?

But why don't you show up in my dreams? Do you hate me so much that you don't even want to appear there? Did you hate me? But... you should at least show up in my dreams. You have to. I miss you so much... I can't see you anymore, so if you don't even come to my dreams, what am I supposed to do?

I'm sorry... I was wrong... I miss you... I love you.

Just once... please show me your smiling face.