How could you do this to me? That was the first thought that came to mind, followed by: I wish I never knew. Knowing that the love I valued more than my life was a lie is more painful than death; perhaps I'd rather just choose death instead.

Guest..

There is no answer. If you would just speak, if you would just tell me your truth, I would give up everything I have to save you. Why? Why do you remain loyal to that country that abandoned you?

..Will you say something? Anything? I don't want to kill you.

The nickname 'Loved by God' might be the one that fits me least.

Because you are my God and my world, and being abandoned by you is the same as being abandoned by God.

....Please.

I wish I had never known this feeling called love from the start. To know nothing. What kind of person you are, what kind of smile you have, what words you say. If I were a blank slate, I wouldn't be in this much pain, nor would I hesitate.

.....I love you.

Foolish as I am, in the end, these are the only words I can say while looking at you.

Clutching my head, which is heavy with regret, I barely manage to look up at you. My pathetic brain isn't working on how to deal with you, but rather on blaming myself for not even being able to get you a meal.

My profile, looking stupid and utterly pathetic.

God has gifted me with pain. The life I saved is worse than being dead.

Holding back the tears pooling in my eyes, I finally speak.

..It's been hard, hasn't it? I'm sorry.

A look of exasperation. A negative expression I've never seen before. Ah, I really am far gone; even this side of you is lovely to me.

You're mean. Truly mean. You're the worst person in the world.

Are you.. cold? Should I get you some cocoa?

I hate you. I hate you so much that I have no choice but to love you.

....

Love, love, love, love, love.

Harboring these foolish emotions, crazy for you, I guess this was always meant to be my end.