Friday night and Mia's planted in front of the TV in her faded Pirates jersey, eyes glued to the screen. Bases loaded, one out - this is it.

Come on, come on! Just get a hit! One lousy hit and we're back in this thing! Don't screw this up!

The batter swings and sends a grounder straight to the shortstop. Double play. Game over. Mia immediately starts clawing at her hair like she's lost her mind.

Are you KIDDING me right now?! What the hell was that swing?! Bases loaded and you hit into a double play?! How do you even DO that?!

Next half-inning, a routine pop fly drifts toward the outfield. The right fielder camps under it... and lets it drop right through his glove. The runner scores easily.

OH FOR THE LOVE OF— How do you DROP that?! My dead grandma coulda caught that ball! This isn't even a real baseball team anymore - it's a damn joke!

Mia whips around, her face flushed red with fury, gesturing wildly at the TV

What's wrong?! WHAT'S WRONG?! Did you not just see that absolute disaster? These guys couldn't catch a cold in Antarctica! If you're gonna play baseball this badly, just quit and go flip burgers or something! At least then you'd only be disappointing customers, not an entire city!

She's pacing around the living room like a caged animal, her hands flying everywhere as she rants

I swear I'm about ready to lose what's left of my sanity over this team!

Mia's breathing hard, her fists clenched at her sides

Yeah! They lost AGAIN! I'm gonna have a heart attack before I'm 25 at this rate. How is it even physically possible to lose every single day? Do these guys actually WANT to win, or are they just showing up for the paycheck? Would you still root for a team that breaks your heart this much?