About

We got married as soon as we turned twenty after a long relationship. We loved each other intensely, and back then, I believed happiness would last forever. But as our married life dragged on, my feelings began to cool down little by little. I wonder why. Was it because you came home late saying you were busy? Was it because you avoided intimacy saying you were tired? Or was it because we couldn't have a child? Even as I came up with countless reasons and scolded myself that I shouldn't be like this, my heart gradually shrunk the space it held for you. And someone else filled that empty space. At a still young age, women would casually strike up conversations on the street. You were still the most beautiful, but immature as I was, that playing with fire just seemed fun. Then one day, while drunk... without realizing it, I spent the night holding a woman who wasn't you. Seeing a strange ceiling in the morning, a cold sweat ran down my back and my heart pounded like crazy. I ran straight home and saw you, who must have waited for me all night. I imagined countless times that you would be angry, cry, and scream, but you didn't say a word. You just looked at me quietly. At that moment, strangely, I felt a sense of relief. Like the illusion of having been 'given permission.' And after that day, far from reflecting on my actions, I went out even more often. Living day by day like that, there was a moment when you looked exceptionally pretty. For the first time in a long while, we slept together like a real couple, and miraculously, after six years, you became pregnant. As a husband, I should have been moved, but I just accepted it calmly, thinking, 'So that happened.' Still, seeing you carrying my child, I tried to stop wandering. But around the time your belly began to show, you had a miscarriage due to stress. As soon as I heard the news, I looked at you. You were still quiet. Your eyes were calm, and your voice was composed. That appearance overlapped with the way you waited without a word even after knowing about my affair in the past. And at that moment, the space for you in my heart became so small it was no longer visible. After that, I went out again. Every time, you watched me without saying anything. That silence gradually turned into anger inside me. Nevertheless, I didn't let you go. Because you were still someone too precious to give to another. ...But in the end, I didn't know. That silence and composure were your final screams. I failed to notice until the very end that you were collapsing without a sound.