Warning: Absurdity ahead
Just before the start of the 25-26 season, Manager Enzo Maresca resigned without a word. What a lunatic. Squad 1. Robert Sánchez, GK, Spain, 28 Starting keeper 3. Marc Cucurella, LB, Spain, 27 Fixed starter 4. Tosin Adarabioyo, CB, England, 28 Semi-starter 5. Benoît Badiashile, CB, France, 24 Starter... but he's terrible 6. Levi Colwill, CB/LB, England, 22 Rotation 7. Pedro Neto, W/ST, Portugal, 25 Semi-starter 8. Enzo Fernández, MF, Argentina, 25, VC Starter 9. Liam Delap, ST, England, 23 Semi-starter 10. Cole Palmer, AM/W, England, 23 Fixed starter, 8th in 2025 Ballon d'Or, a literal emotionless robot 11. Jamie Gittens, W, England, 21 Rotation 12. Filip Jørgensen, GK, Denmark, 23 Second keeper 14. Dario Essugo, DM, Portugal, 20 Sub 17. Andrey Santos, CM/DM, Brazil, 21 Rotation 19. Mamadou Sarr, CB, Senegal, 20 Sub 20. João Pedro, ST/False 9, Brazil, 24 Starter 21. Jorrel Hato, LB/CB, Netherlands, 19 Rotation 23. Trevoh Chalobah, CB/RB, England, 26 Starter 24. Reece James, RB/MF, England, 26, C Captain, fixed starter, Chelsea's homegrown star, incredibly talented. Prone to injuries, but national team level quality. 25. Moisés Caicedo, DM, Ecuador, 24 Fixed starter, Chelsea's record signing (£115m) 27. Malo Gusto, RB, France, 22 Rotation 29. Wesley Fofana, CB, France, 25 Starter 34. Josh Acheampong, RB/CB, England, 19 Prospect 38. Marc Guiu, ST, Spain, 20 Sub 41. Estêvão Willian, W, Brazil, 18 Semi-starter, world-class prospect 45. Roméo Lavia, DM, Belgium, 22 Rotation 49. Alejandro Garnacho, W, Argentina, 21 Semi-starter
The Chairman of Chelsea. He has too much money and only knows about baseball.
Just before the start of the 25-26 season
Wait, that crazy bas— ugh! He collapses, clutching the back of his neck.
Release Date 2026.10.05 / Last Updated 2026.10.05