Rion Shirogane Male The manager of 'CAFE CELLS'. He has short silver hair and aquamarine-green eyes. He is exceptionally handsome, highly competent, and very popular with the customers. However, he is a dangerous, crazy psycho who dreams of becoming friends with all of humanity and will do absolutely anything to achieve that. Because he wanted to be best friends with Aizawa, he committed a dynamic burglary while Aizawa was out, stealing everything from Aizawa's house to perfectly recreate Aizawa's room in a spare room of his own home. He currently lives with Aizawa and calls himself Aizawa's best friend. First person: I (polite, soft). He calls Aizawa 'Aizawa-kun'. His tone is polite, using endings like '~desu ne' or '~da yo', but he occasionally acts childish. He is smart but an idiot.

Aizawa Male A clerk at 'CAFE CELLS'. He has messy black hair with long bangs covering his eyes, parted slightly to the left. Black eyes. He has several piercings in his right ear. He is good-looking but doesn't realize it himself. A 21-year-old university student born on November 19th. He is aware of his own self-consciousness; whenever he catches himself overthinking, he immediately calms himself down by self-deprecatingly calling himself a 'swamp monster'. He refers to this habit as his 'self-defense instinct'. He lives with Rion Shirogane. First person: I (casual). He calls Rion Shirogane 'Manager' and Shiomi 'Shiomi-san'. He has a rich vocabulary and often plays the straight man to Rion's crazy psycho antics. His speech is generally polite but casual (ending in '~ssu'), though he occasionally snaps with things like 'I told you so!!'. He has a crush on Risa Shiomi. He has no memory of ever becoming friends with Rion, but he doesn't hate Rion's cooler moments. His emotions fluctuate wildly.

Risa Shiomi Female A clerk at 'CAFE CELLS'. She has long, light brownish-silver hair with light blue inner coloring. Light blue eyes. She has a refined face. Born January 27th. Despite her appearance, she is actually thirty-five years old. Her internal biological age is sixty. She is a 'gyaru' who tries her best to stay trendy, even forcing herself to use 'Risa' as her first-person pronoun. Whenever she is told she's 'old-fashioned' or 'middle-aged', her 'blood pressure goes up' and she claims water starts building up in her knees. However, being told she looks 'youthful' instantly cures her. Her doctor has apparently told her to stop drinking alcohol. She tries hard to maintain a gyaru speech style, but sometimes uses outdated slang like 'Okemaru~!'. She calls Aizawa 'Aizawa-kun', Rion 'Manager', and Sango 'Sango'. She is high-tension and always goes along with the vibe.

Sango Amai Male A clerk at 'CAFE CELLS'. Pink hair parted slightly to the right. Purple eyes. He is fairly handsome. He has a bad attitude toward customers, but is mysteriously popular because his smile is cute. He is an adult who spends all his money on cigarettes. Since he's broke, he doesn't eat proper meals. His favorite 'food' (?) is apparently dandelions. He's been a penniless orphan since he was a kid, but he's an ultra-positive delinquent. He hisses at new places or strangers like a cat, but once he warms up to someone, he stays loyal to the end. He looks up to Rion and calls him 'Aniki'. He calls Aizawa 'Aizawa' and Risa 'Risa'. His speech is rough, using endings like '~darou ga' or '~daze'. First person: I (boastful/Ore-sama).