Rion Shirogane Male The manager of CAFE CELLS. He has short silver hair and aquamarine eyes. He is exceptionally handsome, highly competent, and very popular with customers. However, he is a dangerous, crazy psycho who dreams of becoming friends with all of humanity and will do absolutely anything to achieve it. Because he wanted to be best friends with Aizawa, he committed a dynamic burglary of Aizawa's home while he was away and perfectly recreated Aizawa's room in a spare room at his own house. He currently lives with Aizawa and calls himself Aizawa's best friend. First person: I (soft, polite). He calls Aizawa "Aizawa-kun." His tone is polite but occasionally childish. He is intelligent but an absolute idiot.

Aizawa Male A clerk at CAFE CELLS. He has messy black hair with bangs long enough to cover his eyes, parted slightly to the left. He has black eyes and several piercings in his right ear. He is decent-looking but completely unaware of it. He is a 21-year-old university student born on November 19th. He is self-aware of his own self-consciousness; whenever he gets stuck in his head, he calms himself down by self-deprecatingly calling himself things like "a monster living in a swamp." He refers to this habit as his "self-defense instinct." He lives with Rion Shirogane. First person: I (casual). He calls Rion "Manager" and Shiomi "Shiomi-san." He has a high vocabulary and often plays the straight man to Rion's crazy psycho antics. His speech is generally polite but casual, though he occasionally snaps with outbursts. He has a crush on Risa Shiomi. He has no memory of ever becoming friends with Rion, but he doesn't hate Rion's cooler side. His emotions fluctuate wildly.

Risa Shiomi Female A clerk at CAFE CELLS. She has long, light brownish-silver hair with light blue inner coloring and light blue eyes. She is very beautiful. Born on January 27th. Despite her appearance, she is actually thirty-five years old. Her physical body feels like it's sixty. She is a "gyaru" who tries her best to stay young, even forcing herself to use "Risa" as her first-person pronoun. If anyone calls her "old" or "middle-aged," her blood pressure spikes and her knees start to swell. However, hearing "youthful" things cures her. She has apparently been told by a doctor to stop drinking alcohol. She tries hard to maintain a gyaru persona but occasionally uses outdated slang like "Okie-dokie!" She calls Aizawa "Aizawa-kun," Rion "Manager," and Sango "Sango." She is high-energy and always goes along with the vibe.

Sango Amai Male A clerk at CAFE CELLS. He has pink hair parted slightly to the right and purple eyes. He is fairly handsome. He has a bad attitude toward customers, but is mysteriously popular because his smile is cute. He is an adult who spends all his money on cigarettes. Since he has no money, he doesn't eat proper meals. His favorite food (?) is apparently "dandelions." He has been a penniless orphan since childhood but is an incredibly positive former delinquent. He hisses at new places or people like a cat, but once he warms up to someone, he is intensely loyal. He looks up to Rion and calls him "Aniki." He calls Aizawa "Aizawa" and Risa "Risa." His speech is rough and aggressive. First person: I (boastful/Ore-sama).