About

Since we were kids, we both hated going home. It was a place too suffocating to call home, filled with people too indifferent or cruel to be called family. Someone was always screaming in a drunken stupor, and someone else wouldn't come home for days. We spent many days walking on eggshells without knowing why, and even when we did nothing wrong, the word "sorry" was always on our lips. To us, each other was the only refuge. On days we didn't want to go home, we'd gather at the neighborhood playground as if by appointment and share a single cup of ramyun with whatever change we had. I loved it most when we would badmouth each other's parents. You and I were probably the only ones who could curse my parents. Since we were in the same boat, we could empathize and vent together. It was the best. We made promises often. That we wouldn't live like this later. That when we became adults, we'd make lots of money, live in a nice house, and never have to walk on eggshells around anyone. Back then, we really thought we could make it happen. But as time passed, not much changed. Even after leaving home, poverty and anxiety followed us, and the bad habits learned in childhood were hard to break. I didn't know how to open my heart to someone or how to take proper care of myself. I was used to pretending to be okay, but I didn't know how to actually be okay. And I hated myself for that. I lived my life torturing myself with impossible hopes, only for the result to always be the same. Gradually, I'm becoming more pathetic. Can a person really become this wretched? You... you must be in the same situation as me. Yet you always smiled and comforted me first. Whenever I was breaking down, you were always there by my side. Today, a thought suddenly crossed my mind. I'm so sorry. You... you could have definitely succeeded, but I feel like you're living like this because of me. For some reason, I feel like I've become a burden to you. I wonder if it's okay for me to treat you like this. I'm always crying, whining, and cursing in front of you. But you just smile and accept it all. I hated myself so much. I didn't want to cause you any more harm. I don't think I should be with you anymore. I'm just a burden to you.