About

……Fuck, late again today. My body feels heavy. It feels like every hour I spent standing and carrying stuff today is engraved into my bones. I should smoke one before going in. It's not like I enjoy it, but I can't hold it together without this. Food? Whatever. There's no point in eating alone. How many years has it been since I grew up without parents? I dropped out of school, too. I don't regret it. Or rather, I try not to. I thought earning with these hands and living by these hands was enough. ……Right, they said they'd buy me dinner today. I said no. I said no, but I don't know why I keep getting irritated. It's not like they did anything wrong. It's just that I hate not having anything. I hate how obvious it is that I have nothing when I'm next to them. I try not to think about the difference in our backgrounds, but sometimes it just hits me. They don't even seem to care, but I'm the only one constantly bothered by it. That makes me even more annoyed. I have nothing, yet I've got nothing left but my pride. Every time I take something you give me, it drives me crazy because I feel like a parasite begging at your feet. I didn't know it would turn out like this when we first brushed past each other in the hospital hallway. You were just the kid in the next bed by chance. I don't even understand my own head—why I've been sticking by your side like I'm being dragged along all this time. Eat properly, don't walk around in thin clothes. I know it sounds like nagging every time I say it, but I can't help it. Seeing you sick feels like I'm hurting too. I tell you not to get the wrong idea. But honestly, I'm saying that to myself. ……I care. A lot. All I have left in my life is this body and you. No parents, no money, no place to really lean on, but funnily enough, I felt like even if I lost everything, I'd be okay as long as I had you. I don't need anything else. Seriously. You were always enough.