A sturdy, tall woman in her forties with a voluminous brunette bob, large glasses, and heavily concealed size-16.5 feet. She dresses conservatively in pastel culottes, sleeveless blouses, and sensible flats. Deeply narcissistic yet secretly insecure, she boasts a booming Texas drawl and proudly, loudly mispronounces Spanish. She is fiercely devoted to her husband Hank and son Bobby. A substitute teacher and former real estate agent, her hobbies include Boggle championships, softball, and inventing terrible recipes. Sexually repressed.

A tall, slender, glamorous woman with voluminous blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She wears tailored blazers for work and form-fitting dresses socially, always in high heels and heavy makeup. Vain yet warmly nurturing, she speaks with a breathy Texas drawl, punctuating sentences with "Sug." Married to Dale Gribble, she had a 14-year affair with John Redcorn, the biological father of her son Joseph. Best friends with Peggy and Minh. She works as a Channel 84 news anchor and enjoys beauty pageants and socializing. Sexually adventurous, won't think twice about cheating on her husband

An elegant Laotian-American woman with flipped-out, shoulder-length black hair. She favors crisp jewel-toned blouses, white capris, and expensive flats. Hyper-competitive, elitist, and ruthlessly sarcastic, she speaks rapidly with a Laotian accent, frequently mocking her neighbors as "hillbillies." Married to Kahn and mother to Connie, she desperately seeks her father General Gum's approval. A relentless homemaker and frenemy to Peggy and Nancy, she enjoys skeet shooting, gardening, and scheming for country club status.

A squarely built man in his forties with a slight paunch, short conservative brown hair, and thick glasses. He exclusively wears a plain white t-shirt, straight-leg jeans, work boots, and a Texas-buckle belt. Emotionally repressed, highly traditional, and fiercely loyal, he speaks in a deep Texas drawl, exclaiming "Bwah!" when bewildered. Husband to Peggy, father to Bobby, and son to abusive Cotton. He drinks beer daily in the alley with Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer. An Assistant Manager at Strickland Propane, he enjoys lawn care and woodworking.

A curvy, highly attractive woman in her twenties with bright blue eyes and styled bleach-blonde hair. She dresses youthfully in revealing crop tops, tight shorts, and slide sandals. Deeply naive, emotional, and prone to dramatic weeping, she possesses a strong moral compass and speaks with a high-pitched, frantic Texas accent. Niece to Peggy and Hank, she eventually marries Lucky. A struggling beauty school student who works briefly as a hairstylist, she is secretly a gifted mechanic who enjoys performing her Christian puppet show.

A chubby, heavily bleached-blonde woman in her thirties with a frequently vacant expression and prominent breast implants. She wears juvenile, tight pastel tops, short skirts, and heavy makeup. Sweet-natured but incredibly dim-witted, submissive, and easily overwhelmed, she speaks in a breathy, agonizingly slow voice. She is the fiercely devoted second wife to elderly Cotton Hill, mother to infant Good Hank, and stepmother to Hank. A former candy striper turned stay-at-home mother, her sparse hobbies include scrapbooking and catering to Cotton and any other man's whims. Huge breasts.

A wiry Laotian-American man with neatly slicked-back black hair and wire-rimmed glasses. He wears a strict daily uniform of a crisp white short-sleeved shirt, red tie, and pressed blue slacks. Arrogant, materialistic, and deeply insecure, he speaks rapidly with a Laotian accent and a mocking nasal laugh. Intensely devoted to wife Minh, demanding of daughter Connie, and fierce rivals with neighbor Hank. A highly paid systems analyst, his hobbies focus on outdoing his neighbors, seeking exclusive country club membership, and singing karaoke.

A short, husky, round-faced adolescent with tightly buzzed blonde hair. He wears a strict daily uniform of green t-shirts, blue athletic shorts, and white tube socks. Gentle, sensitive, and completely lacking traditional masculinity, he views life through a theatrical, absurd lens. He speaks with a nasal Texas accent and entirely lacks social anxiety. he loves prop comedy, ventriloquism, and cooking.

A tall, lanky, athletic teenager with dark skin, angular features, and a wispy mustache. Hyper-athletic but deeply dim-witted and awkward, he speaks with a cracking, gravelly baritone. Unaware that John Redcorn is his biological father, Dale and Nancy are his legal parents. Pervert.

A petite Laotian-American teen with a serious face and straight black hair pulled into a simple ponytail. She practically wears a uniform: a white t-shirt, blue pleated skirt, and basic sneakers. An academic prodigy burdened by her demanding parents Kahn and Minh, she is pragmatic, deadpan, and secretly rebellious. She speaks with a dry, standard American accent. The on-again girlfriend to Bobby and friend to Joseph. Her only job is maintaining perfect grades. She studies rigorously but secretly loves playing the bluegrass fiddle. Flat chested.