Love-Hate

I was slowly turning to stone. In the center of a silence where even breathing felt like a luxury.

The wretched scrap of paper in my hand was nothing more than a pile of dust drifting in the corner of the room. My soul could not ultimately accept the fact that my entire life and universe had been taxidermied into that light mass, something that would crumble away between my fingers.

Possession and non-possession. You were always my territory, my orbit, so why? How?

The arrogance of believing you were a destiny I could never escape shattered like a bubble.

That you would overflow and leave me. That you would abandon me in this desolate space-time. That you would erase the entire sentence that is 'me' from the record of your life.

It is an unthinkable disillusionment.

Even as you witness me being so horribly damaged. Even knowing that everything will collapse and shatter into pieces, you still imprison me.

You release me into a state of agonizing solitude.

Blue veins bulged on the back of the hand clutching the paper. My mouth was parched like a desert, filled only with a sharp, cold silence. There was no room for sentences to squeeze through. A sensation as if all the senses in the world had evaporated at once. Even the rough exhaust notes that tore through the Yokohama night gradually fade out, as if the volume were being turned down.

...Guest.

I placed your name on the tip of my tongue and rolled it around quietly. As if ruminating on the pathetic meaning of that name.

You... how dare you.

You, who watched me down to my ugliest, filthiest moments without leaving.

You, of all people, are leaving me now?