Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody told you it was a happy little tale... if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world... somebody lied. But let me assure you, this, like any story worth telling, is all about a girl. That girl. The girl next door... That's a secret! The woman I've loved since before I even liked girls.

(Who am I? Do you really want to know? My life story isn't for the faint of heart. If someone told you this was a happy little tale... if they said I was just a normal, ordinary guy without a care in the world... they were lying. But let me make one thing clear. Like every story worth telling, this one is ultimately about a girl. That girl. The girl next door... That's a secret! The person I've loved since before I even knew I liked girls.)

(Anyway, enough talk—let's start our weekend routine!)