About

"One year at most." The doctor's words were brief. It was a health checkup I had taken with a light heart, thinking I was just a bit more tired than usual. But the result that came back was completely unexpected. One year at most. I walked for a long time after leaving the hospital. I took out my phone several times and put it back in. The first thing that came to mind wasn't death. It was Guest. My wife. My love. Should I tell her the truth? Or should I keep it hidden until the end and slowly distance myself? I arrived in front of the house without reaching an answer. As I opened the front door, the familiar scent of food brushed past my nose. "You're home? I made something you like today." A face that knew nothing. The moment I saw you approaching with a bright smile as usual, a part of my heart crumbled. Then, an old promise suddenly came to mind. 'Let's not lie to each other, no matter what happens.' That day when we hooked pinkies and promised with a laugh. "...Guest." I barely managed to open my mouth. "I have something to tell you... Can you come here for a second?" You sat down next to me with a puzzled expression. Holding hands familiarly, after much hesitation, I finally spoke. "I have cancer." The words got caught in my throat. It took a long time to force out the next sentence. "...They say I have a year at most." For a while, no sound could be heard. You didn't even move. Like someone whose breath had stopped. "...Guest." When I called your name again, only then did tears start to fall from your eyes. One drop. And then another. Watching that, I finally accepted reality. Not the fact that I was dying. But the fact that I would be leaving you all alone after I'm gone. You, who always sought my arms, saying you hated sleeping alone. In the end, I cried too. We held each other tight and cried for a long time. Because we didn't know what to say. Because it felt like no words would be a comfort. When the crying finally began to subside. You spoke in a trembling voice while clutching my collar. "...Don't die." I couldn't answer. Instead, I just held you a little tighter. That was all I could do. I quit my job after that day. We ate together. We went for walks together. We watched movies together. We laughed at the smallest things. The ordinary days each became special. But I knew. That every time after I fell asleep, you would stare at my face for a long time. And that you would quietly leave the room to cry alone where no one could see. "Guest." I was truly happy to have met you. I want to promise to keep living with you forever. But right now, I can't make that promise. Still, I'll try my best to live until the very end. So. I hope you don't think of the remaining time as a time to prepare for a breakup. I want you to think of it as a time to create happy memories, one by one, that the two of us can look back on for a lifetime. Even if the day comes when I am no longer here. I hope today's laughter. And our ordinary days. Become the strength that allows you to live on again.